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I did a video on my problem with the current actor who is playing the role of Storm, and what needs to happen if she is to continue in the role with the support of Storm’s biggest fan base, Strong Women of Colour!
I was emptying out my hubby’s clothes from the laundry and pulled out a Long Blonde hair and got so upset, I started throwing all his clothes all over the floor, just tossing it here and there…midway through my hissy fit I realized it was my own long grey hair!!!!
I’m an idiot today! I put the clothes neatly away after that!
I’ve been reading a lot of articles lately about women not being proud that they are mothers, or people putting mother’s down. This baffles me, and saddens me, because I’ve learned and changed so much as a mother for the better, and better yet, I have a responsibility to raise the next generation of children. I am a teacher by education and heart so maybe I am a special case, I’m sure a few of my haters would tell you for sure that I am a special case, and to them, my response is
Reasons why I’m happy to list Mother as my most coveted skill on my resume.
- I can literally do anything while someone is annoying the crap out of me and do it in a calm manner, with so much self control that it shocks me at times.
- I have been able to retrain my brain in the span of 6 years to eat and write with my left hand, because there was a child in my right hand.
- I think not a few steps ahead, but literally days ahead, to stay ahead of my children and their mischievous plotting against me.
- I can fully function and look presentable on less than 3 hours of sleep.
- I can clean up an entire apartment in under 30 mins to look presentable after it looks as though it has thrown up on itself.
- I can also clean the entire first floor of a home with 4 rooms in 30 mins, I say this because if you come to a home with small children, don’t EVER ask to see the upstairs, because it ain’t pretty.
- I know how to negotiate with terrorists that I birthed and if I can convince my children to not only eat green vegetables, but ask for them in their chocolate cake, I have an immeasurable skill!
- I can tune out crying, which can be translated into tuning out any distractions in the real world when needing to concentrate.
- Being a mother has caused me to be on top of the latest trends, and safety notices and I have so much information stored in my head about so many different things it scares me.
- My most important skill since becoming a mother is being able to see both sides of things. I want so badly to raise a generation of boys that are different from the last, because I want this I strive to always listen to my boys and explain to them why gender stereotypes are wrong, why prejudice is wrong, why racism is wrong, why women are equal to men and so much more. I feel like this is my greatest skill, and it allows me to be open to the ideas of others but still be objective. I want my boys to express themselves freely, and when they are wrong I will correct them and tell them why. Hopefully they will in turn put that same behaviour that I model for them, into the world and make it a better place.
So I am less than 24 hrs out of my surgery to correct a deviated septum and to open up my nasal turbinates. Sounds weird but I’ve suffered all my life with breathing problems and when I took my son into this lovely ENT doctor (Dr. David Goldfarb) I was convinced wth his humour and how he put myself and my 6 year old at ease. My kiddo’s quick recovery and his doctor’s pride in his work just cemented the fact that I needed him to help me.
All my life I’ve suffered with breathing problems and I’m sure I broke my nose a few times as a teenager, then my son and I had a head to nose collision when he was 1 and 1/2 and my nose bled on and off for a few days, and while trying to explain to him that he needs to be more careful when I’m helping him up, he managed to do another head to nose collision! I haven’t been able to breathe correctly since, and just remembering those hits brings tears to my eyes (this might be a side effect of the surgery)
Anyway, I wish I didn’t have to wait as long as I did but I had to ensure my second son wouldn’t do the same thing to me once I got it fixed.
I tried to look everywhere to find out about the surgery, and I only got scary stories. Mine isn’t that scary so far. Not yet anyway but I will update as I go. This worst thing that I’ve noticed is that I can’t breathe through my nose which makes it hard to talk and breath at the same time and it’s hard to drink. Also huge thing I can taste sugar waaaay too much now! I wonder if this can curb my infamous sweet tooth! Bonus!
Here are pictures right after surgery, I took off the moustache bandage to clean up. There is bleeding Mixed with discharge but not too much and not overly gross. I slept really well with the painkillers and PHO I had for dinner,from 1030 to 8 straight and I slept in like a sitting position with a ton of pillows behind me and around me, I felt great! Mostly because I almost always have a kid in bed with me!
Recently, within the last few years or so I have come to the realization that I don’t have to hang around people I don’t like, nor do I have to make my kids be in their presence. I’m not under this impression that you should see people to keep up appearances, because well truthfully that is utter bullshit. People who force themselves to be around people who they don’t like, just come off as disingenuous, and fake. When my son was born I make him a promise that I would attempt to put as much good into this world as possible and this is one of the ways that I intend to do that.
The problem with this decision is that I’ve been faced with so much backlash from people that I should make an effort and keep putting myself out there and quite simply I now say; “No.”
People show you who they are with the way they treat you, and sure someone can have a bad day every now and then and be a bitch, but when someone continuously insults, degrades, questions, demeans or just straight up puts you down in front of others, no matter how many chances you give that person they are going to keep treating you this way because you are Allowing them to treat you this way. You show the aggressor that it’s okay to keep treating you like garbage and they will continue to treat you like garbage until you show them otherwise.
I find that people want you to be a part of the status quo, and the second you decide to do better than them in life, they begin to attempt to bring you back down to their level. The crabs in a bucket theory. The theory being that if you put crabs in a bucket, and they see one crab escaping, they will jointly pull that crab back into the bucket, basically telling that one lonely crab that it should know its roll and fall in line.
We as humans are the same for the most part. It is very rare to find real friends, even family. I have so many family members that told my mom and I off when she was divorced, then there were friends that stood by us. I’ve even had people, tell me off and degrade me in front of my spouse and children, on numerous occasions and then still be expected to hang out again with this person. I’m proud of myself for not doing it. This person is a family member, and the betrayal that I felt when I was degraded cut me deeply. I mourned our times together and then I reminded myself, if that person could do that to me, truly they may not have ever been genuine towards me. I haven’t spoke to this person in years now and when mutual friends or family tell me about them I literally give zero fucks. I smile and nod and don’t feel a thing. It’s sooo fucking liberating to give zero fucks!! I highly suggest it, it is the best medicine for a tortured soul!
Losing a parent or having a great loss in life usually wakes up fake people. This is another observation I’ve made. I lost multiple people whom I was close to at every single developmental stage of my life, and every single one of those people, taught me great lessons in life and their deaths all changed the course of my life for the better. The last person I lost was my mentor. He was my best friend if I’m totally honest one of my greatest life teachers. I used to refer to him as my Canadian Dad. He would always tell me that I just cared too damn much about what everyone else thought about me. It was very true, and in his life he encouraged me to step out of my comfort zone, and I always did knowing that he would be there with pizza, gin & tonics with reruns of the sopranos to make me feel better. When he passed, after a long, painful batter with brain cancer, I went full force into living life with less of other people’s expectations on me. I’m sure there were some points in my life where he was cheering me on like “Fuck Yes Leena Jump!” I think I really heard him sometimes, I feel like I still do!
So I guess the point of this long drawn out post today is that I want you as my friend to feel my freedom. Life doesn’t have to be about bullshit toxic people. Cut off people who only bring bad shit to your life. You will feel liberated. You will be happier not having to worry about how someone is looking at you or what they are saying behind your back. Surround yourself with people who tell you what they think of you to your face. Life is too short, to waste on fake friends. Do you and be good to others, just because they are humans like you and I promise you only good things will come your way. If you put goodness into the world, and stop putting bad vibes and Bullshit drama, your life will improve immensely.
Try it and please let me know how it works out for you!
I’m having so much fun tinting my hair different colours, last week it was green then I picked up some manic panic and dyed/tinted it a Blue Jays Blue, that washed out and then I went purple…but something just wasn’t right, I still had all these little teeny, tiny pieces of dead hair from the last time I dyed it which was eons ago…so I said Eff it I’m cutting it out! In all fairness it’s a beautiful day out here in Toronto, spring sorta crisp air and I’ve been trapped inside with a post tonsillectomy little man so you know I was going stir crazy, I’m sure my hairdresser is gonna kill me when she sees me, I’m am certain she will at the very least scold me, but like I said I needed to do it! Now my hair is all my natural gray growth, you can see in the pictures it adds like a natural highlight.
The purple colour is from my hairdresser, it’s the Revlon colour bomb conditioner, it refreshes all funky colours I mixed 200 and 500 which is basically a purple and a red purple. I left it in allllllll day!
In case you haven’t yet realized it but I’m so happy I’m growing out my gray hair!!!! My hair isn’t crispy crunchy anymore 😍
I would like to talk about how you choose to nourish your baby. There are very opposing views on this, the Breastfeeding mother, the Pumping Mother, the Formula feeding mother. I personally breastfed and occasionally pumped with my first child. The ONLY reason I didn’t pump for my second child was/is the sheer lack of time. The amount of criticism that a woman receives based on her decision to pump is tremendous. It is absolutely mind-boggling to me how much EVERYONE and their effing mother gives so much of a fuck about how women feed their children. Wow, even thinking about it now, and what some of my friends and family have faced, no matter their choice. I’ve decided to try to show you how EVERY SINGLE ONE of us will be judged regardless of which category we fall into.
The Breastfeeding Mother:
As someone who is a breastfeeding mother, I can tell you, that I wasn’t a crazy fanatic about nursing, I was a lucky one who had both children latch on fairly easily at first, but I didn’t have too much production at first. The first two months of breastfeeding were terrible, TERRIBLE, just TERRIBLE! There were so many complications, from clogged ducts, to my son losing weight, to cracked nipples, engorged breasts, finding places to nurse in public, getting looks in public, covering up in public, travelling through airports, etc.. Most people were really encouraging about how great it was that I was nursing my son, until he was about 7 months old and had teeth. Then I would get comments like, “Oh, if your kid could walk, talk and chew his own food, why would you nurse him? Doesn’t he bite you?” While I understand that this is a legit question for someone that has no knowledge of the topic of nursing, but these people were other women, other mothers, and grandmothers who were being passive-aggressive biatches! For the record, it isn’t too painful to nurse when a child has teeth, the only real reason it is painful is if your child is mischievous and actually bites you on purpose for a reaction!
I fed my oldest until he was about 15 months, and began the weaning process at about 13 months, I’m still in the process with my youngest. It isn’t easy to wean, just like it isn’t easy to latch, we as women are pumped with so many hormones that when someone makes passive aggressive comments it doesn’t help, in fact it stresses us out more, and when we are stressed, the baby is stressed. Just because you have some ideal of when I should stop nursing my child, it doesn’t mean that I will. I mean I have to put up with other people’s idiocy when it comes to judging my parenting decisions, I wonder why they think I should respect their opinions so much when they are so judgy about mine?!
The Pumping Mother:
Let me clear this up, the pumping mother can also nurse or formula feed to supplement, but most of the time, they pump their milk, for reasons such as having to return to work, or my one friend who was so sure her boobs would be deflated if she nursed, so she did the next best thing, she pumped her own milk, hoping that her boobs wouldn’t deflate. Whomp, whomp it didn’t work, but even she was judged for always stuffing a bottle into her child’s mouth. She would explain to strangers that it was breastmilk not the devil’s formula! Really?! She was Explaining this to STrangers! Why?! because we are so overwhelmed with judgement that we feel the need to explain to total unknowns what we are feeding our children. We have so much to explain to others because we are all so overwhelmed with guilt, it is hard to carry a baby for 9 months in this age, there are so many restrictions, that previous generations didn’t receive. People used to smoke, and drink while pregnant, and if I ate sushi at a restaurant while pregnant I got the evil eye! This poor woman felt the need to explain to strangers that she wasn’t feeding her child formula in public, but her own breastmilk, and the strangers would be like “oh, that is good, because formula is so bad, and breastmilk is so natural.” This whole idea about formula being bad, and that women are less of a mother is also an insane idea, I’m pretty sure most people in my generation were formula fed, we all survived…and if we didn’t it most likely was due to other things and not our addiction to formula in the first years of our lives.
The Formula feeding Mother:
This Mother is the Most Loathed type of Mother around. She is the worst according to pretty much everyone. I feel for my friends that formula feed, for whatever reason! There are many reasons that a woman might choose to formula feed and you know what we as a society need to understand that it isn’t something that Everyone wants to do or even can do for that matter.
One of my best friends couldn’t nurse, something about production, and the first thing I told her was fuck anyone who gave her a look, and that do whatever works for her. She has told me how hard it was for her, and how it made her feel like she was doing something less for her child, based on what others say to her. Then I have another friend who just said no, I’m done with this nursing thing, after I think two weeks, and she was happier. I have another friend who breastfed her first and gave her second formula after a few months, and she was happier too! I know another mother who weaned baby about 3 or 4 months in and she also is happier. What I have noticed is that anytime a mother does something to make herself happy or in this case makes a decisive decision, society looks at her with pure disgust and gives her that just smelled vomit look, when they find out she has fed her baby
poison formula. I remember one of these lovely ladies told me that when she went to her doctor’s appointment, that even the doctor was shocked and couldn’t comprehend why she wasn’t still breastfeeding. Really?! the doctor too? Come on, this is just too much for me. Formula is a scientific advancement, why would a doctor of all people put down this choice. even if the doctor doesn’t agree isn’t there a bedside manner class in med school? oh wait, there isn’t, that explains a lot!
(before you jump down my throat for that bedside manner joke, I’m basing my knowledge off of my older cousin’s med school commencement ceremony, where the guest speaker wasn’t a celebrity but a very experience doctor who said that there needed to be a med school course to learn proper bedside manner)
To each their own and I always tell my friends and other women, NEVER say NEVER, because when you do, your kids will most likely eat your words at some point for your judgy bitchiness! Also remember if you cannot respect others’ choices, when it comes to raising Their children (not yours) then think about what society would be like if EVERYONE was exactly like you, and if you like that idea…something is very off about you my friend, because I would hate to be surrounded by people EXACTLY like me, what fun is that!?!