Category Archives: Rants

5 ways to stop being a Judgy Mom

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1. Don’t give unsolicited advice. Unless you are asked for help specifically about a topic keep your opinion to yourself.

2. When a Mother is out without her child, don’t ask where the child is. She probably has enough Mom guilt and if not she needs a break and doesn’t need to be reminded of her baby

3. Unless you have something nice to say like “here let me hold the baby for a minute so you can sit” or “wow you look amazing” something along those lines chances are you are gonna say something bitchy like “oh wow your house looks like a hot mess you should call my service” or “you look so tired” No shit Sherlock!

4. This one may sound strange, but people really do this, asking; “What’s wrong with your kid, why does he/she do ___________?” I had someone ask me why my kid doesn’t stop asking questions, or some ignorant crap like that. For a new mom it can be worrying, because lets face it you aren’t REALLY concerned why he’s doing something you are just pointing it out to be a cow, and not the good kind of cow either. I’m talking about those moo faces that chew cuud while giving you side eye. 

5. If you ever feel the need to say “I would NEVER do __________ with my kid, can you believe that?” Unless the blank was some form of child abuse get the pickle out of your bum and understand that every single person in this world is different! If we don’t differ in how we raise our children how will we ever teach them to respect each other’s differences. 

Children learn to be bullies from their parents so if you are acting all high and mighty around your friends and your children, you are setting your kids up for failure in life, let alone the playground!

Please, stop saying these 6 things before my head explodes!

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1. “All of THE sudden” it is actually “All of A Sudden”

2. “Respond Back” or “Reply back” or “return back” you can literally just say RESPOND, REPLY or RETURN! When you add “back” you are being redundant.

3. “Could of” instead it is “Could Have”

4. “Intensive Purposes” it is actually “Intents and Purposes”

5. “Merge together” just like respond, reply and return just say “Merge”

6. “How’s going?” maybe this is just a Canadian thing, but the correct question is “How is it going?”
I’m not saying it to be mean, it just drives me so crazy!!! I want to correct people who say it but then I would really be a jerk so you know I ignore it and then it just keeps happening…it is a vicious cycle of driving me crazy! 
Thanks God I got that off my chest…oh wait that one too! “THANK God” or goodness for my atheists 😊

I’m a Westerner with Desi Roots

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I got into a bit of an online argument the other day with someone about whitewashing in Hollywood. It was a very amicable argument, we agreed on most points but agreed to disagree on others. He said something to me though that if Hollywood wants to remake a Japanese movie, why not change characters to suit western audiences….

This bothers me a lot!

I’m not bothered about changing original interpretations to suit modern audiences. In fact I think Hollywood studios should look to Disney and how they are modernizing their cartoons to real life and doing it with more kickass heroines and more diverse characters. I’m so super duper bothered that this guys I was arguing with doesn’t realize that I’m a Westerner, and so are so many of my South Asian, East Asian friends! 

Look I get that people may have a typical idea of what a Westerner looks like but it isn’t just white people anymore who are a part of our landscape. This is the problem with token diversity. Throwing in a brown guy in a sitcom or a black woman shows that there can only be one ethnic person in an entire show is not an actual representation of what the makeup of Canada is or North America for that matter. 

A list of some shows with one taken coloured character: 

The Big Bang Theory

Full house and fuller house 

Grandfathered

The Mick

The Middle

The goldbergs

Saving Hope

Sienfield 

The Simpsons 

Parks and Rec (there were two here so you know that’s a plus) 

There are really just too many to count so I will stop there. 

The problem with these token Characters is that usually they are some kind of Joke or comedic relief or or wait the best is when they are the terrorists let’s not forget when Brown people are cast as terrorist or even sometimes you get the kill two birds with one stone and get a terrorist who is a Black guy!

That bothers me immensely that we are represented like this to the world. But there is something that usually goes hand in hand with whitewashing in cinema or TV, and that is the “white saviour” storyline. 

We saw it with Ghost in the shell, the Great Wall, Dr. strange, and too many other movies. The problem with the white saviour storyline is that for the most part White people do not understand why this makes people of different ethnicities or races upset. The simple truth is that colonizers, whether they were British, Portuguese, Dutch or Italian, we all over the world telling people of colour that they were savages and that they as White people were there to save us from our disgusting way of life. They raped our people, our land and then claimed we were part of their empires. When we went knocking at their front doors, educated in their ways and cleaned up for show, we still were only good enough to be cab drivers and hurry curry resturant owners. 

Oh my God and since we are talking about the White Saviour crap, can you believe that Pepsi commercial? And the Nivea’s “White is Purity” campaign?! See this proves my point. White people have seen themselves also as saviours to us lowlife savages. You mean to tell me those fools in the boardroom at Nivea don’t know that their major client base are coloured people? My best friends growing up were black and Nivea went on our entire body face to toe after every shower, on my skin on hers. Really and Kendal Jenner being the Saviour to the coloured people protesting?!? Really?! Someone fired EVERY single person involved in the making of that commercial!

That sums it up, obviously there are deep seeded issues and stuff that goes way back. But here’s the thing. When my Grandfather was Born he was Born a British Citizen, and the same for my father. So really me being first Generation Canadian, if you look at my pedigree so to say, I’m actually 3rd Generation Westerner, and my sons are 4th Generation. 

With all of that said, the white Saviour shit needs to stop, as does the whitewashing of Hollywood Movies. If you cast Shahrukh Khan and Donnie Yen in a cop Buddy flick it would open screens world bloody wide!

I’m a Brown skinned Indian descendant Canadian born with British parents and Grandparents, I’m double degree educated and I’m covered in Tattoos and piercings and as Western as any other person born and Raised in Canada! 

I’m a Westerner so start waking up and changing your thinking!

Dear Victoria Secret

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Dear Victoria Secret, 

Please stop making bras for men. I as a grown woman can understand that you may make some bras for me to make us look like their fantasy, but those should be the exception to the rule. Start making Bras for women! 

I’m so sick and tired of going into Victoria secret to buy a bra, taking like 10-12 back to the fitting room only to have 2 bras look like they were made for me as a woman, who wants support and an undergarment that fits in all the right places. The rest separate my boobs to rhe point that they go passed the width of my chest and look like they are pointing in different direction, kinda like googly eyes.

My boobs shouldn’t be equi-distance apart like my eyes, so that there is enough space to fit another boob between them. I am not some freak three boobed creature from total recall! 


Also if you are a three breasted woman, I apologize for offending you!

I Get why you Hate my kid’s allergies

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So as parents prepare to send their children back to school, the dreaded list of allergic children and what allergies are present in your kid’s classroom will be sent home.

Here is one thing I want you to know, I GET WHY YOU HATE MY KID’S ALLERGIES! I Really, Really do! As a teacher I remember having to keep track of all the kids in my class and make sure there wasn’t any cross contamination, because I certainly didn’t want to have to use an epi-Pen on anyone (I have had to on many students in the past) it is a terrible and scary situation, especially in a class of 30+ kids. As a teacher I worried non-stop, and shook for the rest of the day, after having administered one, this was prior to having children with allergies myself, so maybe, it was a little easier for me to accept, when not one, but both of my children with diagnosed with severe allergies, requiring me to carry an Epi-Pen at all times.

I have suffered with allergies all my life, I’m allergic to the standard seasonal crap, but I also have food allergies. My food allergies have been with me forever! They aren’t something I developed, but my parents didn’t know I had allergies and instead labeled me as a picky eater, who was a hypochondriac. It was really hard to deal with that as a child, no one believing you, when you said you didn’t like a food because it made your tummy hurt. The thing is, people are still just as ignorant today. When I have to explain to people, that my child cannot eat their kid’s birthday cake or ask too many questions about what is in the food that they are offering me or worse if I feed my kids before we go somewhere, I get my favourite ignorant response: “Well back in my day we didn’t have all this allergy stuff, people are just so sensitive.” These are usually the same people who say things like “Oh well we didn’t have carseats back when I was small and I survived.” Not everyone is this ridiculous, I’ve been around so many really cool and understanding family and friends and I cannot tell you how much relief I feel because of this. To you I say thank you with all my heart.

Here is some information I would like to pass on to you, if you are one of these judgemental or super annoyed parent, when it comes to my child’s allergies:

1. PLEASE don’t shove food in my child’s face and say have a bite.

My older son is 5 and he knows now not to eat food unless he asks me first, mostly because he’s had quite a few reactions and he has seen the Epi-Pen is a needle and doesn’t want it. My younger son, is a foodie, and he will not say no to your food, if you shove it in his face, but when he Projectile Vomit’s on top of you and everyone else at your party, I will be sure to say, I told you so!

2. Please don’t say, well what am I supposed to make my child for lunch?!

This is a call of the selfish, and lazy parent. So you want to send your child to school with an allergen such as peanut butter, at the expense of the LIFE of another child, because you a) don’t want to buy a nut butter alternative, and b) too lazy to make a lunch that simply doesn’t require a spread? Wow, you my friend as the worst kind of person. As a parent of a kid with an allergy, why not go on pintrest, or google nut free or egg free school lunches? The possibilities are TRULY ENDLESS! My child’s favourite lunch sandwich is cream cheese and jelly, they are still spreadable, and easy, and taste like a freaking danish for lunch if you choose the right bread! There are also Vietnamese rice paper wraps that you can literally shove any leftover food into and it tastes divine. If you want Protien, make burritos, bean spread or whole, with sauce, cheese and sour cream or greek yogurt to dip. I mean it isn’t that hard. It isn’t Hard, but it is VERY considerate that you are taking some stress off of me, because I don’t have to worry that I’m going to get that call at home that my child is in hospital because someone’s kid shared their lunch with my kid, or didn’t wash their hands and sat at his desk…he could literally DIE because of your child’s lunch…would it be worth it to you?

3. Please don’t say we didn’t have all this stuff back in my day.

Just because you didn’t see it, it didn’t mean that it wasn’t there. I’m over 30, and I’ve had allergies all my life, so it was there back in your day, you sound like an ignorant troglodyte when you say crap like that. I mean how conscious were you anyway when you were say, 7-17 years old? my guess is, not so much! Also did you never watch the Movie My Girl, where Macaulay Culkin dies from a bee sting trying to save Vada? It Very much was around during your day!

The other reason that people don’t seem to realize is that there are so many more preservatives, pollution, chemicals, and pesticides in food now than there were back in your day. Most of my allergies come from tree sap, due to pesticides being absorbed more into the fruit and nuts that trees produce.

4. Do you give your kids take out?

I do give my kids take out, but from very few places, and sparingly so. I’ve had to learn the hard way, that everything that says Nut-Free etc., isn’t actually nut free. I will give  you an example, my son used to get the McFlurry, when they used to be made with Smarties, because they are the Canadian version of m&ms which aren’t nut free. When mcdonald’s recently switched, I also had to switch, and I started letting them only have an ice cream plain in a cup, because the cones don’t guarantee being nut-free, and i know that the soft serve machine doesn’t actually come into contact with any allergens. These are all things I had to go in and check and ask the employees about, as that annoying customer. So imagine, how ever much you hate my kid’s allergies, I probably hate them more, because I am the one who has to do all this stuff, instead of just being that carefree parent who says, “ya kid, go have some of that junk food, enjoy yourself, you only live once.” Nope, not me, I’m the parent who says “hold on let me check and ask first what is in it.” Sometimes they get happily surprised and sometimes they don’t. Even my 2 year old now seems to understand that there are certain foods he cannot eat, and to me that is sad.

5. Shaking your head and calling me too overprotective.

This simply makes me want to punch you. THEY ARE MY CHILDREN, THAT I CARRIED FOR 9 MONTHS A PIECE, I WILL ALWAYS BE THEIR PROTECTOR AND CHAMPION, ESPECIALLY IN THE FACE OF IGNORANCE!

I’ve changed my whole way of life in order to protect them at home, they feel safe to eat that anything that I give them, to know that I will Never ignore the cry of their tummy hurting due to something not agreeing with them, is my job.

When I was pregnant people used to tell me to eat a lot of this allergen or that, so that my child got used to it in the womb, I ate as much as I could and it didn’t work.

My job is to get them to adulthood, with the tools that they need to survive and that goes for their allergies too, along with morals and values. I always am very clear when ordering food, in restaurants etc. I am even attempting to get my children used to small quantities of the things that they are allergic too, slowly, so that they are safer in the case of accidental ingestion. But it is my Choice to do it in a CONTROLLED environment, when I am prepared to take them to hospital if the need arises. It shouldn’t be because someone just wasn’t careful, it shouldn’t be his teacher’s job to give him an Epi-Pen shot because you as a parent gave Zero Fucks about the life of a child, so that your life could be easier.

 

Have you been faced with Allergy Intolerance (as I like to call it) ?

 

 

Never Say Never

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To all you new Mothers & Moms to be, I see you. I see you saying all this judgemental stuff, saying I would Never do this or let my children do that. I have been you. I get it. Let me say this that eating crow was the Hardest thing that I’ve ever had to do!

Don’t judge the mom with one kid, when you have none.

Don’t judge the mom with two kids when you have one.

Don’t judge the mom with three kids until you have three, etc etc because until you have walked a mile in that Woman’s (or Man’s) shoes, you Really and truly have no clue! Like none, really and truly, being a parent is like the Hardest Job in the world, and you have to do it for the most part on little to no sleep, and you are trying to take care of this living, breathing piece of you, that has his/her own ideas and personality that sometimes refuses to be tamed.

Many parents don’t even agree on taming young children so that their true personalities can come through. It’s such a crazy thought to me personally, let me make my child like everyone else so that they are more pleasing to other people. Really? No Thank you!

#BlackLivesMatter

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#BlackI have to begin this post with a picture of my boys, who will one day be men, not just men, but men of colour. One of my sons is very fair, and could easily pass for white, along with the fact that I named him after a comic book character, you wouldn’t think he was of Indian descent. My younger son is a little darker, more like my own skintone, his name is pretty westernized also, but he cannot easily pass for white. keep in mind that the picture taken above is taken after a very dark tan from vacation for all three of us, so it doesn’t actually show how fair all of us can be. I want to show people that in fact whether they pass for black or white shouldn’t matter, either way their lives should matter…

My best friend is black, in fact growing up I’ve had two black best friends, since I was 2 years old. I was raised in the great colour-blind 80s! My best friend in the whole wide world is a Black Woman, she and I were pregnant at the same time. We joke about how when our kids are teenagers they are going to be a crew of kids up to shenanigans…but in reality that won’t be the case. In reality we will tell our boys that no matter how much someone might disrespect them in public, or if a police officer tells them to do something they better do it, get to a phone and call us, so that at the very least they will be alive…that is my reality.

I’ve seen people sharing this All Lives Matters crap, and I’m so sorry to tell you friend, but you just simply are fueling the hate. In case you don’t know this, because common sense is a little hard to come by these days, but OF COURSE ALL LIVES MATTER, but what the #BLACKLIVESMATTER group was trying to do was show that their lives matter and for the longest time, black people, no matter their shade of black have been shown that their lives don’t matter. People in the US are notorious for culturally appropriating black culture for Music, Fashion, and basically everything else.

I DARE you to think for a minute if you would switch places with a successful black man in your exact position in life. Most people wouldn’t and that is why at this moment in our history of the human race Black Lives don’t matter. If you would happily switch places with someone who is black and in the exact same position as you in life, then you my friend aren’t the problem.

I will give you a perfect example of how people of colour are discriminated against everyday, even here in Canada. I am a teacher for one school boards in the GTA. Since having children, rather than teach full time, I supply teach. I get calls to come in and supply or pick up a job in our system. My name is an ethnic name. You can tell by the spelling of it very clearly that I am of Indian descent. I’ve contemplated many times to change it to my married name to see if things will be different but to be honest I could never give up my Father’s name, being his only child. Anyway, in the last two years, I’ve gotten supply jobs, in advance, and EVERY single one was cancelled a few days before the day of work by the various white teachers (I know they are white because I’ve worked with them in the past full time). So I go about finding child care, and prepping for my supply days only to have my job cancelled. I got pissed because why is it that every time those jobs were cancelled, they popped back into the system within minutes, so I grabbed them again, can you guess what happened? Yup, Cancelled! I called my HR in my board to complain and let them know that this was happening on a regular basis, and of course I was brushed off by saying “No, No, that’s impossible, it isn’t a race thing, most likely the teacher doesn’t need to take the day off.” I told my HR lady respectfully call the school and ask the Principal if the teacher is still off that day. Within 5 mins I got a call back telling me to go in and have a great day and if anything like this happens again to call them right away again.

The icing on the cake is when my former White co-worker (mind you who has only half the experience I do within this board) who decides to sneak into the class that I’m supplying in (her regular class) and then saying “Oh my God, it’s so good to see you, I didn’t realize it was you who was covering for me” With a huge smile on her face almost relieved, that I wasn’t some fresh face Indian Auntie who smelled like curry, who couldn’t use a projector in her class. If you think I’m playing the race card here, please enlighten me, because this is something that I’ve had to deal with all my life.

Of course there are non racist white people who aren’t prejudice, but there aren’t many that can relate to just beginning the race of life at a disadvantage just because your skin is a different colour. Please don’t promote the phrase all live matter, I beg of you, I’m imploring you, please, PLEASE. If you care anything about the lives of all coloured children, mine included, you just won’t. Of course the people who created the dumb hashtag all lives matter did so out of hate, and bigotry, and sheer and unadulterated racism. You can go and see for yourself, by simply going on twitter and reading everything attached to that hashtag.  That is how a hashtag works. Even if you mean it in a Loving and Hippy way, the people who created it, certainly do not and you are promoting them!

People oh and ahh over my children now, but when they are adult men, who have facial hair and are hopefully over 6 feet tall will you still think they are cute? When they are big Indian looking men sitting next to you on a plane will you ask to switch seats or flights? It breaks my heart that you might actually be scared of them, depending on what they look like. It breaks my heart as a mother that my best friend’s son, might not be given the benefit of the doubt that my son who is fair might get. You might even be saying you are Indian why are you fighting for black people? I will tell you that truly racist people cannot tell the difference between brown people and black people, especially since we come in so many overlapping shades. I will stand by Every single one of my Black friends, people whom I consider my family.

Of course ALL LIVES MATTER, WHEN #BLACKLIVESMATTER TOO! right now they don’t, and no one is saying that only #BLACKLIVESMATTER, no one is saying that you should be anti-cop, you just have to open your eyes and your mind.