Tag Archives: boys

Are you a Natural Mother?

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Are you a natural Mother? I sure as hell am not!

Being a Mother has been the only job I’ve ever had in my life that brought me to my knees begging for mercy on multiple occasions.

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My husband recently brought it to my attention that other people he knows (sometimes himself included) feel inadequate when around me as a parent. This made me sad. Never since becoming a Mother have I EVER tried to force my opinions or ideas on another Mother because I know people parent from their own experiences. What may be important to me, may not be for you.

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Here is a perfect example. When my husband and I were about to become first time parents, I had actually gotten my ideal job offer, BUT, it wasn’t meant to be because my husband was on a trajectory that would make him 3 times more money than I would ever make, but it would require him to leave for long stretches of time, and IF I took my job offer, it would have meant that my baby would be without either of his parents for most of the beginning of his life.

My own Mother’s words rang in my ears about how much she had wished she could have stayed home with me when I was small instead of leaving me in daycare or with various babysitters and I made the decision to stay home, because I wanted better for my son than I had. I wasn’t sad about it because I have faith in myself and know if I went back to work tomorrow I know I could get a full time job, without much headache.

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I think this is what makes me come off to other Mothers as being a natural. The opinion that others have of me, doesn’t bother me. I will tell you it is entirely because of the fact that life has taught me, when others find fault in you, it is because they don’t have the bravery to look at themselves and figure out what is driving them to criticize others. I know I look crazy to others and I know others think I should care more about their opinions but I just walk through my life to my own beat, looking a touch crazy on a regular basis, and I’m proud of that!

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I parent my children without apologies. I make every bad situation into a teachable moment for them and myself. I’ve turned every meltdown that my kids have thrown in public into a teachable moment for me, sometimes I learn my lesson and say, “No way am I gonna attempt that shit again” other times, I just am hurting to solve the issue and try and try and try again! I hear the criticism from others, I just don’t care! Also I have developed this amazing ability to tune out people, I mean if I can tune out the screaming banshee of a child of mine throwing a tantrum about having the wrong spoon colour, tuning our a mean mommy wannabe is easy peasy.

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Back to my original point, I am not a natural Mother, nope not me, you must have me mistaken for someone else! My house is constantly a mess, I swear in multiple languages, multiple times a day! Everything about Motherhood has been difficult for me, I just stepped up, and did my best, researched the shit out of everything I could and then applied what I could to my own situation. Now I will make a list of the things that didn’t come easy to me.

Pregnancy

Childbirth

Recovery from childbirth (two c-sections that had open holes for over two months, and terrible nurses making me cry in hospital both times)

Sleep (the fact that none of my kids slept for more than 3 hours at a time for more than a year a piece) I am not a morning person.

Breastfeeding judgement

Pumping problems

Judgy Grandma telling me to give formula because my kid was too skinny

judgy relatives thinking that both of my kids were on the Autism spectrum (even though I am trained to find markers of learning disabilities and they are trained to be gossipy Aunties, please give me your unsolicited and uneducated opinion)

Hormonal imbalances

Infertility issues when trying for my second

Miscarriage when trying for my second

Dealing with having my health deteriorate due to complications from childbirth

Weight gain for someone like me who used to be athletic!

Dealing with postpartum depression

Despising my husband for not helping because of his and our culture’s chauvinist ways.

My husband not standing up for me to people who constantly criticized me in his circle of people

My husband not stepping up to the plate once we became parents

Recognizing my children have allergies, and then having to step up to the plate and change everything that I had learned to about cooking and relearn to make everything from scratch. A whole lifestyle change.

Even now, I get so much judgement for REFUSING to hang around people that despise me, because it isn’t worth my emotional sanity to give toxic people even a moment of my time.

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The point of all this is to show you, or someone you know that even when you suspect that someone is perfect, chances are they aren’t. I struggle EVERY Day! I am constantly learning how to deal with life so that it doesn’t tip me back into depression. I don’t want your pity because I deal with my emotions, I have balances and checks in place to ensure that I don’t fall back on hard times. I am emotionally intelligent enough to ask for help when I need it, but I am very cautious of whom I ask.

I hope you take a good hard look at yourself today and just be happy that you have made it this far!

 

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Why I Love Disney’s Frozen for my Boys!

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I have been catching a bit of weirdo looks my way lately for letting my boys obsess over Disney’s Forzen.  First of all all you people who think that this is a princess movie, with the same old lesson, need to actually understand the movie, or better yet, watch it with your full attention. I’m not going to be Rosie O’Donelle and yell at you to watch this great movie (but I’m also not knocking her for doing so, because I can understand why she loves the movie so much!)BUT you really have to understand that this is a great movie for children to obsess over, just like Despicable Me, Up, Toy Story, or whatever.

I love this movie for a few reasons, the first being that it shows girl power. Ya, I know it is cliche, but we have two princesses and neither are saved by a man. In fact one Princess is saved by another Princess, and visa versa. It shows this generation of women that they can do for themselves but to also not be too stubborn, and ask for help where and when it is needed. In the case of Anna, she has Christoph, Sven, and Olaf (he is my favourite character, right up there with the Minions for all time!) helping her along the way, but not, I repeat NOT BEING HER SAVIOURS! She shows that she has a pure heart and can sacrifice herself for someone she loves, her sister, and that True Love, between a man and a woman isn’t the only kind of powerful love.

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Also the fact that Disney has chosen to tell this story this way, makes me as the mother of boys so happy. It shows my sons that they don’t have to be a knight in shining armor, they don’t have to save some damsel in distress.  For far too long, this has been my biggest gripe with Disney movies, why, because I never needed saving in my life, because much like Anna and Elsa, I did it and faced every heart stopping moment in my life head on. I want my sons to be with women (if that is what they choose) who are strong, oh God, I truly hope they don’t find women exactly like me, I would probably cry. Strong women are good, copies of your Mama are baaaaaad!

Maybe by the time they are ready to get married it will be the women proposing, giving them rings! Either way I might just die a little if they bring home some helpless waif, who giggles instead of laughing, who asks for permission to do anything and apologizes for everything. I would be upset! Oh man I’m shaking my head just thinking about it. But I digress.

So I have two other reasons why I Love this story, they are more so for me, than for the sake of my kids, but anyone who doesn’t watch movies with their kids, I mean, seriously why not? I hate adults who just can’t be kids with their kids for what the span of like 2 hours. Oh you are too good for Cartoons now that you are an adult, pfft, bitch please move on! I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE cartoons, I watched them with my family growing up and I watch them with my kids, I hope I will watch them with my grandchildren. Anyway, I particularly love cartoons that show some kind of power that a protagonist is born with or acquires. The reason why I love this, is the same reason why I love the Xmen, because it shows children that we are all special in our own way, even if we look different, or have some sort of anomaly that makes us stand out. I was born with webbed fingers, and so were so many people in my family, and I passed it on to my children.  Since the first time I read an Xmen Comic, I have always considered myself a mutant! I wear the term with pride, and I tell my boys too also!

I love Elsa because she is Mutant like to me, and she LOVES the Cold! Whaat!?!?  It is as if the Disney writers wrote this for me! Since I was a child, I was that one Canadian kid who could literally stay outside in shorts when it was below zero. I actually one of my friend’s older brother better me I couldn’t stand outside with my sweatpants and sleeves rolled up when it was zero degrees…umm now that I think about it he may have been trying to get rid of his little sister’s annoying friend, but meh, I remember standing outside and being proud to having adapted to the cold like no one else in my family could! Ha what a strange thing to be proud of! When she undoes her cloak, lets in flyaway in the wind and says; “The Cold Never Bothered Me Anyway”, I shit you not I almost jumped out of my seat. Even my husband looked and me and said; “Did they base Elsa on you? The white hair, the cold loving, even her dress is the snow version of your wedding dress” lol I couldn’t believe he made the connection…I guess he does pay attention!

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I think those count as two reasons, but the bonus reason why I love this cute movie, is that damn snowman, Olaf! I couldn’t get enough of him! The faces that Olaf makes, I mean come on, how could you not love that little snowman!

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Thank you for reading my blog, and to those loyal readers (wow I cannot believe I have loyal readers) you make my day checking everyday for a post, I apologize for taking so long, life has been hectic, and I would rather post quality as opposed to quantity! I see you Brazil! I thank you!