Tag Archives: children

Are you a Natural Mother?

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Are you a natural Mother? I sure as hell am not!

Being a Mother has been the only job I’ve ever had in my life that brought me to my knees begging for mercy on multiple occasions.

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My husband recently brought it to my attention that other people he knows (sometimes himself included) feel inadequate when around me as a parent. This made me sad. Never since becoming a Mother have I EVER tried to force my opinions or ideas on another Mother because I know people parent from their own experiences. What may be important to me, may not be for you.

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Here is a perfect example. When my husband and I were about to become first time parents, I had actually gotten my ideal job offer, BUT, it wasn’t meant to be because my husband was on a trajectory that would make him 3 times more money than I would ever make, but it would require him to leave for long stretches of time, and IF I took my job offer, it would have meant that my baby would be without either of his parents for most of the beginning of his life.

My own Mother’s words rang in my ears about how much she had wished she could have stayed home with me when I was small instead of leaving me in daycare or with various babysitters and I made the decision to stay home, because I wanted better for my son than I had. I wasn’t sad about it because I have faith in myself and know if I went back to work tomorrow I know I could get a full time job, without much headache.

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I think this is what makes me come off to other Mothers as being a natural. The opinion that others have of me, doesn’t bother me. I will tell you it is entirely because of the fact that life has taught me, when others find fault in you, it is because they don’t have the bravery to look at themselves and figure out what is driving them to criticize others. I know I look crazy to others and I know others think I should care more about their opinions but I just walk through my life to my own beat, looking a touch crazy on a regular basis, and I’m proud of that!

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I parent my children without apologies. I make every bad situation into a teachable moment for them and myself. I’ve turned every meltdown that my kids have thrown in public into a teachable moment for me, sometimes I learn my lesson and say, “No way am I gonna attempt that shit again” other times, I just am hurting to solve the issue and try and try and try again! I hear the criticism from others, I just don’t care! Also I have developed this amazing ability to tune out people, I mean if I can tune out the screaming banshee of a child of mine throwing a tantrum about having the wrong spoon colour, tuning our a mean mommy wannabe is easy peasy.

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Back to my original point, I am not a natural Mother, nope not me, you must have me mistaken for someone else! My house is constantly a mess, I swear in multiple languages, multiple times a day! Everything about Motherhood has been difficult for me, I just stepped up, and did my best, researched the shit out of everything I could and then applied what I could to my own situation. Now I will make a list of the things that didn’t come easy to me.

Pregnancy

Childbirth

Recovery from childbirth (two c-sections that had open holes for over two months, and terrible nurses making me cry in hospital both times)

Sleep (the fact that none of my kids slept for more than 3 hours at a time for more than a year a piece) I am not a morning person.

Breastfeeding judgement

Pumping problems

Judgy Grandma telling me to give formula because my kid was too skinny

judgy relatives thinking that both of my kids were on the Autism spectrum (even though I am trained to find markers of learning disabilities and they are trained to be gossipy Aunties, please give me your unsolicited and uneducated opinion)

Hormonal imbalances

Infertility issues when trying for my second

Miscarriage when trying for my second

Dealing with having my health deteriorate due to complications from childbirth

Weight gain for someone like me who used to be athletic!

Dealing with postpartum depression

Despising my husband for not helping because of his and our culture’s chauvinist ways.

My husband not standing up for me to people who constantly criticized me in his circle of people

My husband not stepping up to the plate once we became parents

Recognizing my children have allergies, and then having to step up to the plate and change everything that I had learned to about cooking and relearn to make everything from scratch. A whole lifestyle change.

Even now, I get so much judgement for REFUSING to hang around people that despise me, because it isn’t worth my emotional sanity to give toxic people even a moment of my time.

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The point of all this is to show you, or someone you know that even when you suspect that someone is perfect, chances are they aren’t. I struggle EVERY Day! I am constantly learning how to deal with life so that it doesn’t tip me back into depression. I don’t want your pity because I deal with my emotions, I have balances and checks in place to ensure that I don’t fall back on hard times. I am emotionally intelligent enough to ask for help when I need it, but I am very cautious of whom I ask.

I hope you take a good hard look at yourself today and just be happy that you have made it this far!

 

Nut Free, Egg free weekly dinners for the whole family! Keto, Paleo & Gluten friendly

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I’ve decided that sharing one recipe at a time can make it difficult to plan for a whole week. So this week, I made 4 different meals, and it is now Saturday and I still have leftovers! Some tweeks can be made to make these follow the Keto or paleo or gluten free diets 

The meals were as follows: 

White fish cooked in lemon butter with couscous and mixed veggies.


This one I pan fried the fish in the juice of one lemon and half a stick of butter, I just dipped them in breadcrumbs (since I don’t use eggs) and made the couscous and veggies in another pot at the same time. I used one package of frozen veggies the carrots and peas mix. Couscous is super easy to make, if you have some tomato sauce laying around it would taste really nice on top of the couscous and veg mix. That’s it, super simple. Follow the directions  on the box for couscous and throw the veggies in at the same time bring to a boil, cover and let sit. 
Chicken thighs with quinoa in a red pepper sauce (one-pot meal).


This I sautéed the chicken thighs in my new non stick pan with butter, turmeric and garlic and minced half a red onion. I puréed three peppers and once the chicken was browned I threw in the puréed peppers and 1 and half cups of quinoa, covered it and simmered it for approximately 15 mins. If the quinoa isn’t soft and fluffy at the end of the 15 then add a cup more water, stir it and cover again for 7 mins. Repeat that as necessary until the quinoa is fluffy! Serve it with cheese for the kiddos and hot sauce or cayenne pepper for the adults!
Vegetarian black bean chilly in lettuce wraps for the adults, and cheddar tortilla wraps for the kids.



There are 4 wraps on this plate and two people ate them lol in case anyone thinks I’m a pig, I am usually but I controlled myself lol

I mean was my masterpiece for the week, made in the instant pot! I soaked a whole bag of black beans or approx 3 and 1/2 cups in a bowl for 30 mins. I sautéed minced garlic, red onion, and mushroom and garlic salt, onion powder, turmeric, and cayenne. Once sautéed I added puréed Roma tomatoes (I’ve also made this with a jar of tomato sauce) and then added frozen organic corn. Covered the instant pot and set to chilli. While that was happening I made two cups of quinoa with vegetable stock! For the adults I served this on top of lettuce sprinkled with pepper, avocado slices then quinoa and the chilli on top sprinkled with cheese and a small bit of Greek yogurt. The kids I did in a cheddar wrap, they ate it and asked for more. We also ate this on leftover day, and today for dinner! Winner, winner, vegetarian dinner!!!

Tex mex style casserole over rice for the kids and without carbs for the adults


This was easy since I had my seasoning made, which consists of garlic powder, onion powder, garlic salt, sea salt, turmeric,  and cayenne pepper. I browned the ground beef in butter and red onions garlic and seasoning. Then threw it in a casserole dish,  threw in chopped Roma tomatoes, package of shredded cheese, and chives I grew and baked it for 30 mins at 350degrees. You could serve it over rice, or even leftover quinoa! 
This really helped me in the week not to be stressed and well fed. In case you didn’t already pick up on this, I use whole fat ingredients for myself and the family. It’s very close to the Keto or Paleo Diet, and I do personally take from them for myself alone, but I don’t make my kids eat super clean. Unfortunately tree nuts and eggs are basically in everything so I am forced to make almost everything from scratch. 

School lunches, both Nut Free & Egg Free!

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So I’ve now completed making lunches for the first two weeks of school. I must say it has been a successful week, because NOTHING, I REPEAT NOTHING HAS COME HOME!!


What I did was on Sunday while I was making dinner, I refused to sit down, and make my kids two varieties of wraps. 


For the wraps I used spinach wraps and regular wraps or tortillas. They both had no added sugar, and not as much salt as regular or even most whole wheat bread. We always accompany with two fruits and one veggie in the small planet box compartments. 

WRAP 1:

I had was slow roasted beef from natural selections, with old cheddar cheese and sliced dill pickles! This was a big hit with my kids, like Huge! Either on spinach or plain tortilla. 

WRAP 2:

Natural selections turkey with sliced Havarti and green apple slices! Again Boom! Huge hit!

Then I placed all ten wraps into a large bag and kept it in the fridge pulled a new one out every day and sliced on the diagonal, or you can slice it in pinwheels if your kids like that fancy schmancy stuff!

This weeks wraps were amazing! I know because we all taste tested

WRAP 3:

Apple butter, turkey, shredded mozzarella, cucumbers in an ancient grain wrap!

WRAP 4:

Apple butter, Black Forest ham, cucumbers and feta!

I forgot to take pictures of all the wraps but here is one lunch


My kids LOVE cucumbers! I gave them Ontario peaches and strawberries and a cup of yogurt (Liberte strawberry 2%)mixed with half a cup of Motts fruit and veggie sauce (mostly because my little one loves the combo and there is quite a bit of fibre in it) 

I write this for people who get mad that they have to deal with kids allergies at school, or parents who don’t know what to pack, or parents who want to get out of the norm of package foods, or even want to have their kids eat healthier. I really hope it helps!

Happy Back to school!!

Stay tuned for more homemade snacks without packaging!

Lebanese-esq ground beef and couscous

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So I was in the mood for something with a reminder of Middle East tastes, then I realized I have never exposed my kiddos to some of the flavours that I used to and still adore. What I made was a Lebanese style ground beef with couscous. I wanted to add spinach to this, but it had gone bad and the only frozen veggie I had was corn…it turned out fantastic!!!
What you need:

1 and 1/2lbs of lean ground beef 

1 red onion chopped 

1/2 bag of organic or regular corn (I find the organic tastes more like corn) 

1 tbsp of cinnamon

1 tbsp of all spice

1 tbsp of turmeric 

1 tbsp of garlic salt 

1 tbsp of Italian seasonings 

1 tbsp of onion powder

1 tbsp of sesame oil

4 tbsps of olive oil

Salt and cayenne pepper to taste!

With the ground beef and onion sauté all the seasonings and oil, once the beef is brown and the onions translucent then add the corn and 2 cups of water and simmer for about 20 mins or until the water has thickened up a bit, and serve over couscous. 

If you have never made couscous, it’s waaaay easier than rice. You boil 1 and 1/2 cups of water for every cup of couscous you  want. Boil the water with salt and 1tbsp of olive oil or butter and then once the water is boiling toss the couscous in, STIR, REMOVE FROM HEAT, cover and let sit for 5 mins. Fluff and then put the meat on top and ENJOY!!!
This meal has a subtle sweetness with no sugar added and it is very filling and flavourful!

Don’t Hang Around Toxic People!

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Recently, within the last few years or so I have come to the realization that I don’t have to hang around people I don’t like, nor do I have to make my kids be in their presence. I’m not under this impression that you should see people to keep up appearances, because well truthfully that is utter bullshit. People who force themselves to be around people who they don’t like, just come off as disingenuous, and fake. When my son was born I make him a promise that I would attempt to put as much good into this world as possible and this is one of the ways that I intend to do that.

The problem with this decision is that I’ve been faced with so much backlash from people that I should make an effort and keep putting myself out there and quite simply I now say; “No.”

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People show you who they are with the way they treat you, and sure someone can have a bad day every now and then and be a bitch, but when someone continuously insults, degrades, questions, demeans or just straight up puts you down in front of others, no matter how many chances you give that person they are going to keep treating you this way because you are Allowing them to treat you this way. You show the aggressor that it’s okay to keep treating you like garbage and they will continue to treat you like garbage until you show them otherwise.

I find that people want you to be a part of the status quo, and the second you decide to do better than them in life, they begin to attempt to bring you back down to their level. The crabs in a bucket theory. The theory being that if you put crabs in a bucket, and they see one crab escaping, they will jointly pull that crab back into the bucket, basically telling that one lonely crab that it should know its roll and fall in line.

We as humans are the same for the most part. It is very rare to find real friends, even family. I have so many family members that told my mom and I off when she was divorced, then there were friends that stood by us. I’ve even had people, tell me off and degrade me in front of my spouse and children, on numerous occasions and then still be expected to hang out again with this person. I’m proud of myself for not doing it. This person is a family member, and the betrayal that I felt when I was degraded cut me deeply. I mourned our times together and then I reminded myself, if that person could do that to me, truly they may not have ever been genuine towards me. I haven’t spoke to this person in years now and when mutual friends or family tell me about them I literally give zero fucks. I smile and nod and don’t feel a thing. It’s sooo fucking liberating to give zero fucks!! I highly suggest it, it is the best medicine for a tortured soul!

Losing a parent or having a great loss in life usually wakes up fake people. This is another observation I’ve made. I lost multiple people whom I was close to at every single developmental stage of my life, and every single one of those people, taught me great lessons in life and their deaths all changed the course of my life for the better. The last person I lost was my mentor. He was my best friend if I’m totally honest one of my greatest life teachers. I used to refer to him as my Canadian Dad. He would always tell me that I just cared too damn much about what everyone else thought about me. It was very true, and in his life he encouraged me to step out of my comfort zone, and I always did knowing that he would be there with pizza, gin & tonics with reruns of the sopranos to make me feel better. When he passed, after a long, painful batter with brain cancer, I went full force into living life with less of other people’s expectations on me. I’m sure there were some points in my life where he was cheering me on like “Fuck Yes Leena Jump!” I think I really heard him sometimes, I feel like I still do!

So I guess the point of this long drawn out post today is that I want you as my friend to feel my freedom. Life doesn’t have to be about bullshit toxic people. Cut off people who only bring bad shit to your life. You will feel liberated. You will be happier not having to worry about how someone is looking at you or what they are saying behind your back. Surround yourself with people who tell you what they think of you to your face. Life is too short, to waste on fake friends. Do you and be good to others, just because they are humans like you and I promise you only good things will come your way. If you put goodness into the world, and stop putting bad vibes and Bullshit drama, your life will improve immensely.

Try it and please let me know how it works out for you!Zerofucks

Never Say Never

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To all you new Mothers & Moms to be, I see you. I see you saying all this judgemental stuff, saying I would Never do this or let my children do that. I have been you. I get it. Let me say this that eating crow was the Hardest thing that I’ve ever had to do!

Don’t judge the mom with one kid, when you have none.

Don’t judge the mom with two kids when you have one.

Don’t judge the mom with three kids until you have three, etc etc because until you have walked a mile in that Woman’s (or Man’s) shoes, you Really and truly have no clue! Like none, really and truly, being a parent is like the Hardest Job in the world, and you have to do it for the most part on little to no sleep, and you are trying to take care of this living, breathing piece of you, that has his/her own ideas and personality that sometimes refuses to be tamed.

Many parents don’t even agree on taming young children so that their true personalities can come through. It’s such a crazy thought to me personally, let me make my child like everyone else so that they are more pleasing to other people. Really? No Thank you!

Damned if you Do, Damned if you Don’t…part 5 I think?!

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Damned if you Do, Damned if you Don’t…part 5 I think?!

This post is about the insane mothers that I have seen this week, or month and the pure confusion in my mind. This damned if you do, is about how to respond to atrocious behaviour by parents.

I have basically been on 24/7 patrol since March 14th, it is now April 10th and literally the sicknesses have been running a muck on my household as if they all just woke up from hibernation from our ridiculously long winter, just to see how much one mother can take alone.

But during the few times that I have been out I have encountered some strange parents, first I will discuss

 

The Entitled Mother:

Do you ever wonder when your child comes home sick for the millionth time, how? How?!? Your child’s school has a no sick kids policy, yet, still viruses come home. I will tell you friends, it is due to the Entitled mother!

I will tell you how it all began…the week we were supposed to go on vacation, I decided to send my older son for swimming lessons during the March Break. The very first day of classes this lady walks in to pick up her child from the previous class, with her other smaller, feverish, cranky, runny nosed, uncomfortable child walking in right behind her. Seriously this baby was sick, but still she insisted on letting him run around the viewing area crying and screaming, all I could do was watch and keep track of the things that he was touching and before I knew it, he had literally touched or some part of his bodily fluids had touched every,EVERY surface of that waiting area. Oh I forgot to mention, the lady also walked in with her mother, who was just running behind the very upset child, just letting him spread the virus. As the child was running around and grandma was watching she was talking to the owner of the swim school and myself and all the other moms, about how she was so concerned for her small son, because he just kept running this high fever for days and that she took him to Sick Children’s hospital because she didn’t trust any other hospital. Here is what kills me, ,she was so concerned, yet, she was willing to spread the virus to anyone and everyone when she could have clearly been a little bit, just a tiny bit considerate, either kept the small child home and resting for the 15 minutes it would take to pick up her older child, with her mother, or she could have made the child stay in the car with grandma (I saw the car, it had a dvd player in the back) the child could have watched a movie or continued sleeping (which is what she said he was doing before she brought him in and this was the real reason for his crankiness). Seriously what the fuck! Why?! I attempted to avoid all the zones that child touched, but it didn’t work. I got sick. Unless I missed something, please tell me, but Why the hell would she have done this? Why?!? how do you point out to someone that they are complaining about something that they will so obviously be passing on to EVERYONE that they are complaining to?! Like I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs at this woman, are you an idiot?!? do you not see that you are now putting me in your situation? do you just want us all to be miserable? Fuck! Please my friends tell me how I should have responded.

The Disgusting Dad:

I encountered this man on vacation in the kiddy pool. Any parent who used to jet set or travel knows that once you go on vacation you no longer get to spend your time chilling by the side of the pool with the swim up bar or just chill in the water, you MUST go to the kiddy pool at least once, so that your child can play with the other children on the resort, otherwise you feel as if you are the wicked witch of their childhood. We went, where we met Bill and my son, became friends with his son Vincent. So while our boys played Bill decided to pretend to be a sea monster, and then proceeded to gulp water into his mouth and spit it out at his son and mine…YUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He then proceeded to do this so many times that I saw my son, go take a gulp of water into his mouth, and I lost it, I called him by his full name and Yelled through gritted teeth; “Don’t EVEN THINK about it! Spit that water out or we leave now and you will not enter a pool for the rest of the trip!”

The father Bill apologized when I guess he realized how disgusting it was, I mean for fucks sake it is the kiddy pool, how many germs are in it, and pee for that matter! Yuck, YUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!! and sure enough my older boy got sick, on vacation, in paradise, throwing up and not sleeping and then passing it on to his little brother so that all of us were dehydrated when it came time to go home.

What do you think did I handle this correctly? I probably could have been nicer? I hate hurting people’s feelings but damn this was just too gross for me to hold back, my husband said he saw Bill’s look on his face when I scolded my kid and it was as if I scolded him…

In my defense each time these are just a taste of some of the images that went through my head, also I’m not a germaphobe, I know kids get sick, in both the cases above it was preventable, if others were considerate:

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The Get more flies with Piss mother and father:

I’m not sure if this time of mother exists outside of my suburban community, but there are so many here, and yes you read that title correctly. This is the type of parent that goes out of their way to be a high-strung bitch, man or woman. I get my son’s hair cut at a place called great clips, and for children the haircut can be as little as 8 bucks, but my son and his dad can get their hair cut at the same time by the same woman and get the same haircut, so it works perfect for us. This mother that went before us, was just constantly correcting the hairdresser as if she was the expert. This hairdresser God bless her, she just took the verbal abuse, to the point where the mother took the comb and spray bottle from the hairdresser and proceeded to shout at her about how she didn’t cut it right and that the child’s hair doesn’t sit properly, and then in the same breath just said forget it. She pushed her child off of the chair and proceeded to just say mumble under her breath and pay for the haircut, while she was paying she kept making eye contact with me and rolling her eyes, as if to say “Can you believe this shit?” I gave her the most confused WTF? face I could muster, because I didn’t agree with her even a little. Then she made contact with another mother who I guess was Italian, and proceeded to have a full conversation with her in Italian about how bad this place was. I didn’t understand all of it, but I have been around enough Italian conversations to get the jist of it. NEWSFLASH people when you switch from speaking English to another language in public when you are upset, WE ALL KNOW that you are saying something that you are too big of a Pussy to outright say!! If you are so fucking brave to complain, then fucking complain so people whom you are talking about can respond to you, don’t fucking speak in another language, that’s just bullshit, and you know it! I gave that hairdresser a 8 dollar tip, she deserved it!

I’ve seen father’s do this, and it grosses me out equally as much, if not more when I see the verbal abuse that some father’s lay out on to customer service reps or front line workers like the clerks at winners etc.

The Snickering Bitch Parents, in their cliques:

I’m writing this one last because it angers me the most! It wasn’t even my own experience, it was one of my friend’s. She also had been home all week with her children and decided to take them out to the McDonalds playground by her home. Her eldest son, has Autism, and although I’m not familiar with too many of the details she said that he broke free from her and when she found him he was eating someone’s chicken nuggets. She apologized, profusely and offered to pay for new nuggets. (Keep in mind she has three boys under 5, and she is such a good mother) But instead of being a fellow understanding mother, these women said “Oh we were wondering where his mother was!” as condescending as possible. Seriously?!? I have had random children come up to me in department stores looking for their parents, and once after an hour looking for the parents as annoyed as I was, I just told the parents that their child was outside, and that she was cute and someone could have taken her, even though I wanted so badly to punch these parents in the face! (they didn’t even thank me)

The only seat my friend could find in the play area was in front of these women, and they just continued to snicker about her. If I had the chance I probably wouldn’t have been so understanding, I most likely would have turned around Exorcist style and thrown some nuggets at them and reminded them that this wasn’t the fucking Ritz Carlton they were at for lunch but instead the McDonalds playground!

I don’t understand, how grown men and women can act like children. My questions to them are along the lines of did they grow up in barns? Are they just mean spirited bitches? They couldn’t have been having a bad day and just be lashing out, because they were outright snickering?! What kind of people still do that? I am so perplexed! How can we judge other parents so harshly? How can we lack so much Empathy, for our fellow human beings? Not just Empathy for parents, but the elderly, special needs, and just your neighbour in general? How?!?

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Autism

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My last gripe is about the lack of empathy lately that I hear for parents of young children. Since I was pregnant with my first child, in 2010 they introduced priority parking spaces for Pregnant women, and parents with small children, they are next to the handicapped spots, in most commercial parking lots. Recently on April Fools some news station played a joke on twitter about an able-bodied person being upset that they had to walk so far because all the pregnant women got priority. People on social media went off, and lambasted parents for saying that the parking spaces weren’t for them but their children. I can personally attest to having used these spots during the DEAD of winter at -35 or colder and taking both of my children out of the car, setting up their stroller, getting them both in, and hoping their don’t freeze their fingers off. Also I guess I missed the memo that as an able-bodied member of society, I can sacrifice a parking spot further away, so that a baby (not necessarily the parents) won’t be out in the cold for too long. Fuck, seriously when did people become so bloody judgmental and entitled?   I used to always park my car at the end of parking lots when I had not kids and still do when I don’t have the kids with me or during nice weather. A little walk never killed anyone I agree but a little baby finds it very hard to keep their fingers inside a stroller at all times and if it is -35 degrees outside but feels like -45, a child could get frostbite, you try explaining that to a 1 year old. oh and for all you old school mothers that haven’t had children for the last 10 years, shut your mouth about how you survived with your children. way back when you barely needed car seats, let alone had to deal with babies mixed with the polar vortex!

I think I’m just feeling a little bit like this girl today, mixed with Anger!

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Please people open your eyes a little bit today and just have some empathy towards others, parent or not, you never really know what someone is going through. The strongest people usually are silent about their gripes and hardships because they don’t want to be perceived as weak, but it doesn’t mean that they couldn’t appreciate others showing them that they understand.

now i must go back to my sicky poos..

Think about Empathy bear when you are out in the world today:

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