POSTPARTUM BABY WEIGHT

CELEBRITY STYLE:

If you lost all your baby weight the second, the second you had your baby, you my friend are a crazy, self-centred, cow, who just wants the world to know how much better she is than all you lowlife mothers who put their babies first. I mean having a baby is the greatest accessory, and now you can start your endeavors into the Mommy and Baby market, you cannot be a schlub if you plan on launching anything post baby, so if there was a treadmill next to your hospital bed, you would for sure be on it. You may even be one of those that opted for a C-section and asked for an immediate tummy tuck. (FYI, when I had to ask for my emergency C-section, I’m not gonna lie, I asked for this, my doc said no respectable doctor in Canada would EVER do that…Damn-it). Anyway if you fall in to this category, you are a special type of Kim Kardashian, and we all know how everyone loves to hate that woman!

GYM-RAT:

I personally don’t understand how people have the energy nor time to go to the gym right after having a baby, but it happens and these women will eye you down like a hungry wolf, or a disgusted child about to vomit, when they see you slovenly shoving some sort of treat into your mouth. You never know if you should feel sorry for them, or be proud of their determination and will power. It is like looking at animals in the zoo, you are in awe of the Majestic Girraffe or Lion, but you feel bad for them caged up. I think these women should be praised but most other people will call them out for leaving their child behind for their own well being. Being a Mother should be the only thing that matters to them, and much of society thinks that these women are the worst. The best line that I have heard said about these women was: Why do you even bother having children if you are just going to leave them, to go workout.

EASY GOING:

Hi, Hi this is me! I had my first son, and I nursed him for a good 15 months, and I didn’t even attempt to lose weight until I had weaned him, unless you count that time I went to the gym in my building and attempted to do yoga in the child’s pose and promptly fell asleep! I was woken up about 25 mins later by my phone, but I swear to God, I still crack up laughing when I think about it. Any way, I am one of those unlucky few that doesn’t lose weight until I stop nursing in full. My doctor said that it has something to do with my body holding onto fat in order to produce milk. oh joy of joys lucky me. So while all those celebrity mothers go on and on about how breastfeeding is the best thing to lose weight, while people know that I am still nursing and they ask me why I haven’t lost the weight, I just tell them, it isn’t the case for me. Wow, though people think I am some kind of slob who doesn’t do anything, but the truth is I like eating good healthy food, I cook daily for my children and husband, and I do it from scratch, no additives nor preservatives and I clean up, but I make heart-healthy food, but I also make pretty damn good desserts. I made a pumpkin pie from scratch and baked it into a chocolate cake and topped it with homemade chocolate fudge icing, and let me tell you, I still have visions of that cake in my head. I see how other people look at me when I eat, like why are you eating cheese or carbs, you should try to lose weight. It just makes me want to say; Fuck you, you need to lose some fat from your head!

What is the worst thing that you have heard or experienced with regards to postpartum weight lost?