Tag Archives: #Mother

Are you a Natural Mother?

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Are you a natural Mother? I sure as hell am not!

Being a Mother has been the only job I’ve ever had in my life that brought me to my knees begging for mercy on multiple occasions.

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My husband recently brought it to my attention that other people he knows (sometimes himself included) feel inadequate when around me as a parent. This made me sad. Never since becoming a Mother have I EVER tried to force my opinions or ideas on another Mother because I know people parent from their own experiences. What may be important to me, may not be for you.

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Here is a perfect example. When my husband and I were about to become first time parents, I had actually gotten my ideal job offer, BUT, it wasn’t meant to be because my husband was on a trajectory that would make him 3 times more money than I would ever make, but it would require him to leave for long stretches of time, and IF I took my job offer, it would have meant that my baby would be without either of his parents for most of the beginning of his life.

My own Mother’s words rang in my ears about how much she had wished she could have stayed home with me when I was small instead of leaving me in daycare or with various babysitters and I made the decision to stay home, because I wanted better for my son than I had. I wasn’t sad about it because I have faith in myself and know if I went back to work tomorrow I know I could get a full time job, without much headache.

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I think this is what makes me come off to other Mothers as being a natural. The opinion that others have of me, doesn’t bother me. I will tell you it is entirely because of the fact that life has taught me, when others find fault in you, it is because they don’t have the bravery to look at themselves and figure out what is driving them to criticize others. I know I look crazy to others and I know others think I should care more about their opinions but I just walk through my life to my own beat, looking a touch crazy on a regular basis, and I’m proud of that!

crazy

I parent my children without apologies. I make every bad situation into a teachable moment for them and myself. I’ve turned every meltdown that my kids have thrown in public into a teachable moment for me, sometimes I learn my lesson and say, “No way am I gonna attempt that shit again” other times, I just am hurting to solve the issue and try and try and try again! I hear the criticism from others, I just don’t care! Also I have developed this amazing ability to tune out people, I mean if I can tune out the screaming banshee of a child of mine throwing a tantrum about having the wrong spoon colour, tuning our a mean mommy wannabe is easy peasy.

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Back to my original point, I am not a natural Mother, nope not me, you must have me mistaken for someone else! My house is constantly a mess, I swear in multiple languages, multiple times a day! Everything about Motherhood has been difficult for me, I just stepped up, and did my best, researched the shit out of everything I could and then applied what I could to my own situation. Now I will make a list of the things that didn’t come easy to me.

Pregnancy

Childbirth

Recovery from childbirth (two c-sections that had open holes for over two months, and terrible nurses making me cry in hospital both times)

Sleep (the fact that none of my kids slept for more than 3 hours at a time for more than a year a piece) I am not a morning person.

Breastfeeding judgement

Pumping problems

Judgy Grandma telling me to give formula because my kid was too skinny

judgy relatives thinking that both of my kids were on the Autism spectrum (even though I am trained to find markers of learning disabilities and they are trained to be gossipy Aunties, please give me your unsolicited and uneducated opinion)

Hormonal imbalances

Infertility issues when trying for my second

Miscarriage when trying for my second

Dealing with having my health deteriorate due to complications from childbirth

Weight gain for someone like me who used to be athletic!

Dealing with postpartum depression

Despising my husband for not helping because of his and our culture’s chauvinist ways.

My husband not standing up for me to people who constantly criticized me in his circle of people

My husband not stepping up to the plate once we became parents

Recognizing my children have allergies, and then having to step up to the plate and change everything that I had learned to about cooking and relearn to make everything from scratch. A whole lifestyle change.

Even now, I get so much judgement for REFUSING to hang around people that despise me, because it isn’t worth my emotional sanity to give toxic people even a moment of my time.

haters

The point of all this is to show you, or someone you know that even when you suspect that someone is perfect, chances are they aren’t. I struggle EVERY Day! I am constantly learning how to deal with life so that it doesn’t tip me back into depression. I don’t want your pity because I deal with my emotions, I have balances and checks in place to ensure that I don’t fall back on hard times. I am emotionally intelligent enough to ask for help when I need it, but I am very cautious of whom I ask.

I hope you take a good hard look at yourself today and just be happy that you have made it this far!

 

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Proud to be a Mother First

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I’ve been reading a lot of articles lately about women not being proud that they are mothers, or people putting mother’s down. This baffles me, and saddens me, because I’ve learned and changed so much as a mother for the better, and better yet, I have a responsibility to raise the next generation of children. I am a teacher by education and heart so maybe I am a special case, I’m sure a few of my haters would tell you for sure that I am a special case, and to them, my response is

muahh

Reasons why I’m happy to list Mother as my most coveted skill on my resume.

  1. I can literally do anything while someone is annoying the crap out of me and do it in a calm manner, with so much self control that it shocks me at times.
  2. I have been able to retrain my brain in the span of 6 years to eat and write with my left hand, because there was a child in my right hand.
  3. I think not a few steps ahead, but literally days ahead, to stay ahead of my children and their mischievous plotting against me.
  4. I can fully function and look presentable on less than 3 hours of sleep.
  5. I can clean up an entire apartment in under 30 mins to look presentable after it looks as though it has thrown up on itself.
  6. I can also clean the entire first floor of a home with 4 rooms in 30 mins, I say this because if you come to a home with small children, don’t EVER ask to see the upstairs, because it ain’t pretty.
  7. I know how to negotiate with terrorists that I birthed and if I can convince my children to not only eat green vegetables, but ask for them in their chocolate cake, I have an immeasurable skill!
  8. I can tune out crying, which can be translated into tuning out any distractions in the real world when needing to concentrate.
  9. Being a mother has caused me to be on top of the latest trends, and safety notices and I have so much information stored in my head about so many different things it scares me.
  10. My most important skill since becoming a mother is being able to see both sides of things. I want so badly to raise a generation of boys that are different from the last, because I want this I strive to always listen to my boys and explain to them why gender stereotypes are wrong, why prejudice is wrong, why racism is wrong, why women are equal to men and so much more. I feel like this is my greatest skill, and it allows me to be open to the ideas of others but still be objective. I want my boys to express themselves freely, and when they are wrong I will correct them and tell them why. Hopefully they will in turn put that same behaviour that I model for them, into the world and make it a better place.