Tag Archives: motherhood

Oct11

Are you a Natural Mother?

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Are you a natural Mother? I sure as hell am not!

Being a Mother has been the only job I’ve ever had in my life that brought me to my knees begging for mercy on multiple occasions.

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My husband recently brought it to my attention that other people he knows (sometimes himself included) feel inadequate when around me as a parent. This made me sad. Never since becoming a Mother have I EVER tried to force my opinions or ideas on another Mother because I know people parent from their own experiences. What may be important to me, may not be for you.

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Here is a perfect example. When my husband and I were about to become first time parents, I had actually gotten my ideal job offer, BUT, it wasn’t meant to be because my husband was on a trajectory that would make him 3 times more money than I would ever make, but it would require him to leave for long stretches of time, and IF I took my job offer, it would have meant that my baby would be without either of his parents for most of the beginning of his life.

My own Mother’s words rang in my ears about how much she had wished she could have stayed home with me when I was small instead of leaving me in daycare or with various babysitters and I made the decision to stay home, because I wanted better for my son than I had. I wasn’t sad about it because I have faith in myself and know if I went back to work tomorrow I know I could get a full time job, without much headache.

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I think this is what makes me come off to other Mothers as being a natural. The opinion that others have of me, doesn’t bother me. I will tell you it is entirely because of the fact that life has taught me, when others find fault in you, it is because they don’t have the bravery to look at themselves and figure out what is driving them to criticize others. I know I look crazy to others and I know others think I should care more about their opinions but I just walk through my life to my own beat, looking a touch crazy on a regular basis, and I’m proud of that!

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I parent my children without apologies. I make every bad situation into a teachable moment for them and myself. I’ve turned every meltdown that my kids have thrown in public into a teachable moment for me, sometimes I learn my lesson and say, “No way am I gonna attempt that shit again” other times, I just am hurting to solve the issue and try and try and try again! I hear the criticism from others, I just don’t care! Also I have developed this amazing ability to tune out people, I mean if I can tune out the screaming banshee of a child of mine throwing a tantrum about having the wrong spoon colour, tuning our a mean mommy wannabe is easy peasy.

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Back to my original point, I am not a natural Mother, nope not me, you must have me mistaken for someone else! My house is constantly a mess, I swear in multiple languages, multiple times a day! Everything about Motherhood has been difficult for me, I just stepped up, and did my best, researched the shit out of everything I could and then applied what I could to my own situation. Now I will make a list of the things that didn’t come easy to me.

Pregnancy

Childbirth

Recovery from childbirth (two c-sections that had open holes for over two months, and terrible nurses making me cry in hospital both times)

Sleep (the fact that none of my kids slept for more than 3 hours at a time for more than a year a piece) I am not a morning person.

Breastfeeding judgement

Pumping problems

Judgy Grandma telling me to give formula because my kid was too skinny

judgy relatives thinking that both of my kids were on the Autism spectrum (even though I am trained to find markers of learning disabilities and they are trained to be gossipy Aunties, please give me your unsolicited and uneducated opinion)

Hormonal imbalances

Infertility issues when trying for my second

Miscarriage when trying for my second

Dealing with having my health deteriorate due to complications from childbirth

Weight gain for someone like me who used to be athletic!

Dealing with postpartum depression

Despising my husband for not helping because of his and our culture’s chauvinist ways.

My husband not standing up for me to people who constantly criticized me in his circle of people

My husband not stepping up to the plate once we became parents

Recognizing my children have allergies, and then having to step up to the plate and change everything that I had learned to about cooking and relearn to make everything from scratch. A whole lifestyle change.

Even now, I get so much judgement for REFUSING to hang around people that despise me, because it isn’t worth my emotional sanity to give toxic people even a moment of my time.

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The point of all this is to show you, or someone you know that even when you suspect that someone is perfect, chances are they aren’t. I struggle EVERY Day! I am constantly learning how to deal with life so that it doesn’t tip me back into depression. I don’t want your pity because I deal with my emotions, I have balances and checks in place to ensure that I don’t fall back on hard times. I am emotionally intelligent enough to ask for help when I need it, but I am very cautious of whom I ask.

I hope you take a good hard look at yourself today and just be happy that you have made it this far!

 

Sep17

Nut Free, Egg free weekly dinners for the whole family! Keto, Paleo & Gluten friendly

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I’ve decided that sharing one recipe at a time can make it difficult to plan for a whole week. So this week, I made 4 different meals, and it is now Saturday and I still have leftovers! Some tweeks can be made to make these follow the Keto or paleo or gluten free diets 

The meals were as follows: 

White fish cooked in lemon butter with couscous and mixed veggies.


This one I pan fried the fish in the juice of one lemon and half a stick of butter, I just dipped them in breadcrumbs (since I don’t use eggs) and made the couscous and veggies in another pot at the same time. I used one package of frozen veggies the carrots and peas mix. Couscous is super easy to make, if you have some tomato sauce laying around it would taste really nice on top of the couscous and veg mix. That’s it, super simple. Follow the directions  on the box for couscous and throw the veggies in at the same time bring to a boil, cover and let sit. 
Chicken thighs with quinoa in a red pepper sauce (one-pot meal).


This I sautéed the chicken thighs in my new non stick pan with butter, turmeric and garlic and minced half a red onion. I puréed three peppers and once the chicken was browned I threw in the puréed peppers and 1 and half cups of quinoa, covered it and simmered it for approximately 15 mins. If the quinoa isn’t soft and fluffy at the end of the 15 then add a cup more water, stir it and cover again for 7 mins. Repeat that as necessary until the quinoa is fluffy! Serve it with cheese for the kiddos and hot sauce or cayenne pepper for the adults!
Vegetarian black bean chilly in lettuce wraps for the adults, and cheddar tortilla wraps for the kids.



There are 4 wraps on this plate and two people ate them lol in case anyone thinks I’m a pig, I am usually but I controlled myself lol

I mean was my masterpiece for the week, made in the instant pot! I soaked a whole bag of black beans or approx 3 and 1/2 cups in a bowl for 30 mins. I sautéed minced garlic, red onion, and mushroom and garlic salt, onion powder, turmeric, and cayenne. Once sautéed I added puréed Roma tomatoes (I’ve also made this with a jar of tomato sauce) and then added frozen organic corn. Covered the instant pot and set to chilli. While that was happening I made two cups of quinoa with vegetable stock! For the adults I served this on top of lettuce sprinkled with pepper, avocado slices then quinoa and the chilli on top sprinkled with cheese and a small bit of Greek yogurt. The kids I did in a cheddar wrap, they ate it and asked for more. We also ate this on leftover day, and today for dinner! Winner, winner, vegetarian dinner!!!

Tex mex style casserole over rice for the kids and without carbs for the adults


This was easy since I had my seasoning made, which consists of garlic powder, onion powder, garlic salt, sea salt, turmeric,  and cayenne pepper. I browned the ground beef in butter and red onions garlic and seasoning. Then threw it in a casserole dish,  threw in chopped Roma tomatoes, package of shredded cheese, and chives I grew and baked it for 30 mins at 350degrees. You could serve it over rice, or even leftover quinoa! 
This really helped me in the week not to be stressed and well fed. In case you didn’t already pick up on this, I use whole fat ingredients for myself and the family. It’s very close to the Keto or Paleo Diet, and I do personally take from them for myself alone, but I don’t make my kids eat super clean. Unfortunately tree nuts and eggs are basically in everything so I am forced to make almost everything from scratch. 

Sep11

School lunches, both Nut Free & Egg Free!

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So I’ve now completed making lunches for the first two weeks of school. I must say it has been a successful week, because NOTHING, I REPEAT NOTHING HAS COME HOME!!


What I did was on Sunday while I was making dinner, I refused to sit down, and make my kids two varieties of wraps. 


For the wraps I used spinach wraps and regular wraps or tortillas. They both had no added sugar, and not as much salt as regular or even most whole wheat bread. We always accompany with two fruits and one veggie in the small planet box compartments. 

WRAP 1:

I had was slow roasted beef from natural selections, with old cheddar cheese and sliced dill pickles! This was a big hit with my kids, like Huge! Either on spinach or plain tortilla. 

WRAP 2:

Natural selections turkey with sliced Havarti and green apple slices! Again Boom! Huge hit!

Then I placed all ten wraps into a large bag and kept it in the fridge pulled a new one out every day and sliced on the diagonal, or you can slice it in pinwheels if your kids like that fancy schmancy stuff!

This weeks wraps were amazing! I know because we all taste tested

WRAP 3:

Apple butter, turkey, shredded mozzarella, cucumbers in an ancient grain wrap!

WRAP 4:

Apple butter, Black Forest ham, cucumbers and feta!

I forgot to take pictures of all the wraps but here is one lunch


My kids LOVE cucumbers! I gave them Ontario peaches and strawberries and a cup of yogurt (Liberte strawberry 2%)mixed with half a cup of Motts fruit and veggie sauce (mostly because my little one loves the combo and there is quite a bit of fibre in it) 

I write this for people who get mad that they have to deal with kids allergies at school, or parents who don’t know what to pack, or parents who want to get out of the norm of package foods, or even want to have their kids eat healthier. I really hope it helps!

Happy Back to school!!

Stay tuned for more homemade snacks without packaging!

Aug27

Funny story

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I was emptying out my hubby’s clothes from the laundry and pulled out a Long Blonde hair and got so upset, I started throwing all his clothes all over the floor, just tossing it here and there…midway through my hissy fit I realized it was my own long grey hair!!!!

I’m an idiot today! I put the clothes neatly away after that!

Aug8

Lebanese-esq ground beef and couscous

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So I was in the mood for something with a reminder of Middle East tastes, then I realized I have never exposed my kiddos to some of the flavours that I used to and still adore. What I made was a Lebanese style ground beef with couscous. I wanted to add spinach to this, but it had gone bad and the only frozen veggie I had was corn…it turned out fantastic!!!
What you need:

1 and 1/2lbs of lean ground beef 

1 red onion chopped 

1/2 bag of organic or regular corn (I find the organic tastes more like corn) 

1 tbsp of cinnamon

1 tbsp of all spice

1 tbsp of turmeric 

1 tbsp of garlic salt 

1 tbsp of Italian seasonings 

1 tbsp of onion powder

1 tbsp of sesame oil

4 tbsps of olive oil

Salt and cayenne pepper to taste!

With the ground beef and onion sauté all the seasonings and oil, once the beef is brown and the onions translucent then add the corn and 2 cups of water and simmer for about 20 mins or until the water has thickened up a bit, and serve over couscous. 

If you have never made couscous, it’s waaaay easier than rice. You boil 1 and 1/2 cups of water for every cup of couscous you  want. Boil the water with salt and 1tbsp of olive oil or butter and then once the water is boiling toss the couscous in, STIR, REMOVE FROM HEAT, cover and let sit for 5 mins. Fluff and then put the meat on top and ENJOY!!!
This meal has a subtle sweetness with no sugar added and it is very filling and flavourful!

Jul16

Never Say Never

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To all you new Mothers & Moms to be, I see you. I see you saying all this judgemental stuff, saying I would Never do this or let my children do that. I have been you. I get it. Let me say this that eating crow was the Hardest thing that I’ve ever had to do!

Don’t judge the mom with one kid, when you have none.

Don’t judge the mom with two kids when you have one.

Don’t judge the mom with three kids until you have three, etc etc because until you have walked a mile in that Woman’s (or Man’s) shoes, you Really and truly have no clue! Like none, really and truly, being a parent is like the Hardest Job in the world, and you have to do it for the most part on little to no sleep, and you are trying to take care of this living, breathing piece of you, that has his/her own ideas and personality that sometimes refuses to be tamed.

Many parents don’t even agree on taming young children so that their true personalities can come through. It’s such a crazy thought to me personally, let me make my child like everyone else so that they are more pleasing to other people. Really? No Thank you!

Jul13

#BlackLivesMatter

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#BlackI have to begin this post with a picture of my boys, who will one day be men, not just men, but men of colour. One of my sons is very fair, and could easily pass for white, along with the fact that I named him after a comic book character, you wouldn’t think he was of Indian descent. My younger son is a little darker, more like my own skintone, his name is pretty westernized also, but he cannot easily pass for white. keep in mind that the picture taken above is taken after a very dark tan from vacation for all three of us, so it doesn’t actually show how fair all of us can be. I want to show people that in fact whether they pass for black or white shouldn’t matter, either way their lives should matter…

My best friend is black, in fact growing up I’ve had two black best friends, since I was 2 years old. I was raised in the great colour-blind 80s! My best friend in the whole wide world is a Black Woman, she and I were pregnant at the same time. We joke about how when our kids are teenagers they are going to be a crew of kids up to shenanigans…but in reality that won’t be the case. In reality we will tell our boys that no matter how much someone might disrespect them in public, or if a police officer tells them to do something they better do it, get to a phone and call us, so that at the very least they will be alive…that is my reality.

I’ve seen people sharing this All Lives Matters crap, and I’m so sorry to tell you friend, but you just simply are fueling the hate. In case you don’t know this, because common sense is a little hard to come by these days, but OF COURSE ALL LIVES MATTER, but what the #BLACKLIVESMATTER group was trying to do was show that their lives matter and for the longest time, black people, no matter their shade of black have been shown that their lives don’t matter. People in the US are notorious for culturally appropriating black culture for Music, Fashion, and basically everything else.

I DARE you to think for a minute if you would switch places with a successful black man in your exact position in life. Most people wouldn’t and that is why at this moment in our history of the human race Black Lives don’t matter. If you would happily switch places with someone who is black and in the exact same position as you in life, then you my friend aren’t the problem.

I will give you a perfect example of how people of colour are discriminated against everyday, even here in Canada. I am a teacher for one school boards in the GTA. Since having children, rather than teach full time, I supply teach. I get calls to come in and supply or pick up a job in our system. My name is an ethnic name. You can tell by the spelling of it very clearly that I am of Indian descent. I’ve contemplated many times to change it to my married name to see if things will be different but to be honest I could never give up my Father’s name, being his only child. Anyway, in the last two years, I’ve gotten supply jobs, in advance, and EVERY single one was cancelled a few days before the day of work by the various white teachers (I know they are white because I’ve worked with them in the past full time). So I go about finding child care, and prepping for my supply days only to have my job cancelled. I got pissed because why is it that every time those jobs were cancelled, they popped back into the system within minutes, so I grabbed them again, can you guess what happened? Yup, Cancelled! I called my HR in my board to complain and let them know that this was happening on a regular basis, and of course I was brushed off by saying “No, No, that’s impossible, it isn’t a race thing, most likely the teacher doesn’t need to take the day off.” I told my HR lady respectfully call the school and ask the Principal if the teacher is still off that day. Within 5 mins I got a call back telling me to go in and have a great day and if anything like this happens again to call them right away again.

The icing on the cake is when my former White co-worker (mind you who has only half the experience I do within this board) who decides to sneak into the class that I’m supplying in (her regular class) and then saying “Oh my God, it’s so good to see you, I didn’t realize it was you who was covering for me” With a huge smile on her face almost relieved, that I wasn’t some fresh face Indian Auntie who smelled like curry, who couldn’t use a projector in her class. If you think I’m playing the race card here, please enlighten me, because this is something that I’ve had to deal with all my life.

Of course there are non racist white people who aren’t prejudice, but there aren’t many that can relate to just beginning the race of life at a disadvantage just because your skin is a different colour. Please don’t promote the phrase all live matter, I beg of you, I’m imploring you, please, PLEASE. If you care anything about the lives of all coloured children, mine included, you just won’t. Of course the people who created the dumb hashtag all lives matter did so out of hate, and bigotry, and sheer and unadulterated racism. You can go and see for yourself, by simply going on twitter and reading everything attached to that hashtag.  That is how a hashtag works. Even if you mean it in a Loving and Hippy way, the people who created it, certainly do not and you are promoting them!

People oh and ahh over my children now, but when they are adult men, who have facial hair and are hopefully over 6 feet tall will you still think they are cute? When they are big Indian looking men sitting next to you on a plane will you ask to switch seats or flights? It breaks my heart that you might actually be scared of them, depending on what they look like. It breaks my heart as a mother that my best friend’s son, might not be given the benefit of the doubt that my son who is fair might get. You might even be saying you are Indian why are you fighting for black people? I will tell you that truly racist people cannot tell the difference between brown people and black people, especially since we come in so many overlapping shades. I will stand by Every single one of my Black friends, people whom I consider my family.

Of course ALL LIVES MATTER, WHEN #BLACKLIVESMATTER TOO! right now they don’t, and no one is saying that only #BLACKLIVESMATTER, no one is saying that you should be anti-cop, you just have to open your eyes and your mind.

Jan6

Damned if you Do, Damned if you don’t, Part 4

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I would like to talk about how you choose to nourish your baby. There are very opposing views on this, the Breastfeeding mother, the Pumping Mother, the Formula feeding mother. I personally breastfed and occasionally pumped with my first child. The ONLY reason I didn’t pump for my second child was/is the sheer lack of time. The amount of criticism that a woman receives based on her decision to pump is tremendous. It is absolutely mind-boggling to me how much EVERYONE and their effing mother gives so much of a fuck about how women feed their children. Wow, even thinking about it now, and what some of my friends and family have faced, no matter their choice. I’ve decided to try to show you how EVERY SINGLE ONE of us will be judged regardless of which category we fall into.

The Breastfeeding Mother:

As someone who is a breastfeeding mother, I can tell you, that I wasn’t a crazy fanatic about nursing, I was a lucky one who had both children latch on fairly easily at first, but I didn’t have too much production at first. The first two months of breastfeeding were terrible, TERRIBLE, just TERRIBLE! There were so many complications, from clogged ducts, to my son losing weight, to cracked nipples, engorged breasts, finding places to nurse in public, getting looks in public, covering up in public, travelling through airports, etc.. Most people were really encouraging about how great it was that I was nursing my son, until he was about 7 months old and had teeth. Then I would get comments like, “Oh, if your kid could walk, talk and chew his own food, why would you nurse him? Doesn’t he bite you?” While I understand that this is a legit question for someone that has no knowledge of the topic of nursing, but these people were other women, other mothers, and grandmothers who were being passive-aggressive biatches! For the record, it isn’t too painful to nurse when a child has teeth, the only real reason it is painful is if your child is mischievous and actually bites you on purpose for a reaction!

I fed my oldest until he was about 15 months, and began the weaning process at about 13 months, I’m still in the process with my youngest. It isn’t easy to wean, just like it isn’t easy to latch, we as women are pumped with so many hormones that when someone makes passive aggressive comments it doesn’t help, in fact it stresses us out more, and when we are stressed, the baby is stressed. Just because you have some ideal of when I should stop nursing my child, it doesn’t mean that I will.  I mean I have to put up with other people’s idiocy when it comes to judging my parenting decisions, I wonder why they think I should respect their opinions so much when they are so judgy about mine?!

The Pumping Mother:

Let me clear this up, the pumping mother can also nurse or formula feed to supplement, but most of the time, they pump their milk, for reasons such as having to return to work, or my one friend who was so sure her boobs would be deflated if she nursed, so she did the next best thing, she pumped her own milk, hoping that her boobs wouldn’t deflate. Whomp, whomp it didn’t work, but even she was judged for always stuffing a bottle into her child’s mouth. She would explain to strangers that it was breastmilk not the devil’s formula! Really?! She was Explaining this to STrangers! Why?! because we are so overwhelmed with judgement that we feel the need to explain to total unknowns what we are feeding our children. We have so much to explain to others because we are all so overwhelmed with guilt, it is hard to carry a baby for 9 months in this age, there are so many restrictions, that previous generations didn’t receive. People used to smoke, and drink while pregnant, and if I ate sushi at a restaurant while pregnant I got the evil eye! This poor woman felt the need to explain to strangers that she wasn’t feeding her child formula in public, but her own breastmilk, and the strangers would be like “oh, that is good, because formula is so bad, and breastmilk is so natural.” This whole idea about formula being bad, and that women are less of a mother is also an insane idea, I’m pretty sure most people in my generation were formula fed, we all survived…and if we didn’t it most likely was due to other things and not our addiction to formula in the first years of our lives.

The Formula feeding Mother:

This Mother is the Most Loathed type of Mother around. She is the worst according to pretty much everyone. I feel for my friends that formula feed, for whatever reason! There are many reasons that a woman might choose to formula feed and you know what we as a society need to understand that it isn’t something that Everyone wants to do or even can do for that matter.

One of my best friends couldn’t nurse, something about production, and the first thing I told her was fuck anyone who gave her a look, and that do whatever works for her. She has told me how hard it was for her, and how it made her feel like she was doing something less for her child, based on what others say to her. Then I have another friend who just said no, I’m done with this nursing thing, after I think two weeks, and she was happier. I have another friend who breastfed her first and gave her second formula after a few months, and she was happier too! I know another mother who weaned baby about 3 or 4 months in and she also is happier. What I have noticed is that anytime a mother does something to make herself happy or in this case makes a decisive decision, society looks at her with pure disgust and gives her that just smelled vomit look, when they find out she has fed her baby poison formula. I remember one of these lovely ladies told me that when she went to her doctor’s appointment, that even the doctor was shocked and couldn’t comprehend why she wasn’t still breastfeeding. Really?! the doctor too? Come on, this is just too much for me. Formula is a scientific advancement, why would a doctor of all people put down this choice. even if the doctor doesn’t agree isn’t there a bedside manner class in med school? oh wait, there isn’t, that explains a lot!

(before you jump down my throat for that bedside manner joke, I’m basing my knowledge off of my older cousin’s med school commencement ceremony, where the guest speaker wasn’t a celebrity but a very experience doctor who said that there needed to be a med school course to learn proper bedside manner)

 

To each their own and I always tell my friends and other women, NEVER say NEVER, because when you do, your kids will most likely eat your words at some point for your judgy bitchiness! Also remember if you cannot respect others’ choices, when it comes to raising Their children (not yours) then think about what society would be like if EVERYONE was exactly like you, and if you like that idea…something is very off about you my friend, because I would hate to be surrounded by people EXACTLY like me, what fun is that!?!

Dec30

Damned if you Do, Damned if you Don’t, Part III

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POSTPARTUM BABY WEIGHT

CELEBRITY STYLE:

If you lost all your baby weight the second, the second you had your baby, you my friend are a crazy, self-centred, cow, who just wants the world to know how much better she is than all you lowlife mothers who put their babies first. I mean having a baby is the greatest accessory, and now you can start your endeavors into the Mommy and Baby market, you cannot be a schlub if you plan on launching anything post baby, so if there was a treadmill next to your hospital bed, you would for sure be on it. You may even be one of those that opted for a C-section and asked for an immediate tummy tuck. (FYI, when I had to ask for my emergency C-section, I’m not gonna lie, I asked for this, my doc said no respectable doctor in Canada would EVER do that…Damn-it). Anyway if you fall in to this category, you are a special type of Kim Kardashian, and we all know how everyone loves to hate that woman!

GYM-RAT:

I personally don’t understand how people have the energy nor time to go to the gym right after having a baby, but it happens and these women will eye you down like a hungry wolf, or a disgusted child about to vomit, when they see you slovenly shoving some sort of treat into your mouth. You never know if you should feel sorry for them, or be proud of their determination and will power. It is like looking at animals in the zoo, you are in awe of the Majestic Girraffe or Lion, but you feel bad for them caged up. I think these women should be praised but most other people will call them out for leaving their child behind for their own well being. Being a Mother should be the only thing that matters to them, and much of society thinks that these women are the worst. The best line that I have heard said about these women was: Why do you even bother having children if you are just going to leave them, to go workout.

EASY GOING:

Hi, Hi this is me! I had my first son, and I nursed him for a good 15 months, and I didn’t even attempt to lose weight until I had weaned him, unless you count that time I went to the gym in my building and attempted to do yoga in the child’s pose and promptly fell asleep! I was woken up about 25 mins later by my phone, but I swear to God, I still crack up laughing when I think about it. Any way, I am one of those unlucky few that doesn’t lose weight until I stop nursing in full. My doctor said that it has something to do with my body holding onto fat in order to produce milk. oh joy of joys lucky me. So while all those celebrity mothers go on and on about how breastfeeding is the best thing to lose weight, while people know that I am still nursing and they ask me why I haven’t lost the weight, I just tell them, it isn’t the case for me. Wow, though people think I am some kind of slob who doesn’t do anything, but the truth is I like eating good healthy food, I cook daily for my children and husband, and I do it from scratch, no additives nor preservatives and I clean up, but I make heart-healthy food, but I also make pretty damn good desserts. I made a pumpkin pie from scratch and baked it into a chocolate cake and topped it with homemade chocolate fudge icing, and let me tell you, I still have visions of that cake in my head. I see how other people look at me when I eat, like why are you eating cheese or carbs, you should try to lose weight. It just makes me want to say; Fuck you, you need to lose some fat from your head!

What is the worst thing that you have heard or experienced with regards to postpartum weight lost?