Tag Archives: tired

Are you a Natural Mother?


Are you a natural Mother? I sure as hell am not!

Being a Mother has been the only job I’ve ever had in my life that brought me to my knees begging for mercy on multiple occasions.


My husband recently brought it to my attention that other people he knows (sometimes himself included) feel inadequate when around me as a parent. This made me sad. Never since becoming a Mother have I EVER tried to force my opinions or ideas on another Mother because I know people parent from their own experiences. What may be important to me, may not be for you.


Here is a perfect example. When my husband and I were about to become first time parents, I had actually gotten my ideal job offer, BUT, it wasn’t meant to be because my husband was on a trajectory that would make him 3 times more money than I would ever make, but it would require him to leave for long stretches of time, and IF I took my job offer, it would have meant that my baby would be without either of his parents for most of the beginning of his life.

My own Mother’s words rang in my ears about how much she had wished she could have stayed home with me when I was small instead of leaving me in daycare or with various babysitters and I made the decision to stay home, because I wanted better for my son than I had. I wasn’t sad about it because I have faith in myself and know if I went back to work tomorrow I know I could get a full time job, without much headache.


I think this is what makes me come off to other Mothers as being a natural. The opinion that others have of me, doesn’t bother me. I will tell you it is entirely because of the fact that life has taught me, when others find fault in you, it is because they don’t have the bravery to look at themselves and figure out what is driving them to criticize others. I know I look crazy to others and I know others think I should care more about their opinions but I just walk through my life to my own beat, looking a touch crazy on a regular basis, and I’m proud of that!


I parent my children without apologies. I make every bad situation into a teachable moment for them and myself. I’ve turned every meltdown that my kids have thrown in public into a teachable moment for me, sometimes I learn my lesson and say, “No way am I gonna attempt that shit again” other times, I just am hurting to solve the issue and try and try and try again! I hear the criticism from others, I just don’t care! Also I have developed this amazing ability to tune out people, I mean if I can tune out the screaming banshee of a child of mine throwing a tantrum about having the wrong spoon colour, tuning our a mean mommy wannabe is easy peasy.


Back to my original point, I am not a natural Mother, nope not me, you must have me mistaken for someone else! My house is constantly a mess, I swear in multiple languages, multiple times a day! Everything about Motherhood has been difficult for me, I just stepped up, and did my best, researched the shit out of everything I could and then applied what I could to my own situation. Now I will make a list of the things that didn’t come easy to me.



Recovery from childbirth (two c-sections that had open holes for over two months, and terrible nurses making me cry in hospital both times)

Sleep (the fact that none of my kids slept for more than 3 hours at a time for more than a year a piece) I am not a morning person.

Breastfeeding judgement

Pumping problems

Judgy Grandma telling me to give formula because my kid was too skinny

judgy relatives thinking that both of my kids were on the Autism spectrum (even though I am trained to find markers of learning disabilities and they are trained to be gossipy Aunties, please give me your unsolicited and uneducated opinion)

Hormonal imbalances

Infertility issues when trying for my second

Miscarriage when trying for my second

Dealing with having my health deteriorate due to complications from childbirth

Weight gain for someone like me who used to be athletic!

Dealing with postpartum depression

Despising my husband for not helping because of his and our culture’s chauvinist ways.

My husband not standing up for me to people who constantly criticized me in his circle of people

My husband not stepping up to the plate once we became parents

Recognizing my children have allergies, and then having to step up to the plate and change everything that I had learned to about cooking and relearn to make everything from scratch. A whole lifestyle change.

Even now, I get so much judgement for REFUSING to hang around people that despise me, because it isn’t worth my emotional sanity to give toxic people even a moment of my time.


The point of all this is to show you, or someone you know that even when you suspect that someone is perfect, chances are they aren’t. I struggle EVERY Day! I am constantly learning how to deal with life so that it doesn’t tip me back into depression. I don’t want your pity because I deal with my emotions, I have balances and checks in place to ensure that I don’t fall back on hard times. I am emotionally intelligent enough to ask for help when I need it, but I am very cautious of whom I ask.

I hope you take a good hard look at yourself today and just be happy that you have made it this far!


Stay at Home Mother’s schedule


I’m writing this for my husband along with others that really wonder what I do.

12am – nurse baby for long stretch
Very rarely will I sleep between 12-6 usually one or both kids wake up and are crying about something. My 4 year old is going through night terrors and growing pains and my little one is teething.

6am- nurse teething baby again

8am- entertaining baby while the older one gets 20 more mins of sleep

823: older one gets up, usually very grumpy, he’s not a morning person

830-9- clean up after my husband from his morning routine and put baby in his chair to do his poop.

9-930- make breakfast for kids from scratch change baby and get them fed by 10, also attempt to have one coffee, and go pee myself.

10-1115- wash my face brush my teeth, change a diaper, get kids dressed, make lunch, clean dishes, get them dressed in winter gear and pack bag and get them in the car. It is winter here so it is about -10 here so I have to pack the car after I get them dressed and with one hand throw everything in, put the baby in the car, then the older one and strap them into car seats, turn the alarm on, turn on their music, check the mail, drop my older son to school. I know that is a crazzzzzy run on sentence, but as soon as I park at school, the days when it is minus 15, I then have to unstrap both kids and take them both out to drop my older son to school, because I can’t leave the car running and leave my baby in their.
Someday my mom will meet me at the school to wait in the car with the baby.

1130-245- come home,feed baby, put baby down for a nap(if he isn’t super clingy. Then start cleaning, organizing, laundry folding, upkeep of the house(this can include hanging a picture,fixing something that broke) begin dinner,feed baby again, teach baby things (think, “where’s your nose?” Or say Bhai-ya (brother in Hindi)). Then pack him up and back to school to pick up Bhai-ya, then take him out of the car to get the older brother, one handed! Bring both kids with knapsack back to the car in minus 15 degrees and ice outside, pack them both into the car, one handed, and Finally they are in!

3-330-345-4- TRAFFIC!
4 finally home

4-6make dinner, entertaining, cooking dinner, putting baby down for a cat nap, after having a snack and a bottle.

6-730-8- eat dinner, with the Slowest eater in the world, my love, my darling 4 year old, most of his food ends up on the floor in the form of little rolled up balls of crumbs, I can’t stand this! He always wants to eat everything with his hands and it kills me a little every time he does it.

8-845- bath time when Papa gives him a bath. If I am alone and am doing it things would end here, the kids would be washed and sleeping by 845 at the latest, my husband is the SLOWEST MOVING HUMAn being in the WORLD!

845-10 watch some shows and clean up, and have some chai, plan tomorrow’s dinner. Workout if I have the energy, while my husband has been asleep and is still sleeping with the kids.

10pm- baby wakes up for night time snack and bottle. The end time for this is closing down because now I am trying so hard to get him back down at

1030 or 11 so that he doesn’t need to nurse anymore, but regardless he still gets up at 12am to be nurses and I have to put him back down without being nursed.

Anyway this may sound like a crazy schedule and it may see like I forgot food, usually I only have time for coffee and snacks until dinner, it is terrible but true, when I do eat it is all pretty much healthy with snacks.

Also by no means am I complaining this is MY job and I wouldn’t trade it, I embrace it, I’m just run down a bit and tired, but I’m especially tired of dumb fucks who think I sit on my butt all day a la Peg Bundy eating bon-bons all day.