Damned if you do, Damned if you don’t…part 1 of many

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When a woman becomes pregnant, in this hyper sensitive age of parenting, usually it is a magical experience, deep down, she feels that connection to this little form of life that she is harbouring within, and nurturing to bring forth into the world. As of late though and now having gotten through 2 pregnancies and deliveries, and still having my children standing, means that I can say something about it, not much, but something.

I plan on sharing all the judgy comments from the mean girl wannabe mothers, who to me seem to be steeped in this high school mentality of what life should be. So here goes nothing:

NATURAL (no drug use) BIRTH vs. EPIDURAL

NATURAL (No Drugs at all):

Wow, you are an overachieving bitch, who wants to shame all other women, and men for that matter. You are the worst and the best type of person ever.

NATURAL (with alternative methods):

You my friend, are not just a bitch, but you are a dirty, hippy bitch, who has thought of some random pain alternative to drugs, like hydra-therapy, to show all other women that the pain is not as bad as they make it out to be. You are such a dirty hippy that if you tell most hospital personnel that you subscribe to this method of birthing, you will be met with scowls and dumbfounded faces as if they are playing knifey spooney with you. You will say that you would like to use water therapy, or a certain herb(I am not talking about mary jane I just cannot remember for the life of me a specific herb used for pain relief during labour) to ease your pain, and their response will be; sure sure you want an Epidural. you will say no, a natural pain reliever. Again the staffer will say, as if confirming what they heard from you: EPI-DUR-AL.

EPIDURAL:

Scratch all of the above, you are the WORST human being EVER. You have bought into the big Pharma companies and feel that they only way to experience what every woman has been doing since the beginning of time, is just too tough for your princess-y, entitled ass. I mean come on, Really? You cannot even give birth without drugs, what kind of a woman are you? You are more than willing to drug your baby up upon entrance into the world, I pity your children, for they will be forever glassy eyed and drugged and most likely become addicts because you chose an epidural. Good luck with that.

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