The thin line between love and hate, in a marriage…

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My ringtone on my phone for my husband is Pink – True Love, the lyrics go something like this:

pink

I love my Husband This much! To a tee! This is us! More often than not since we had our second baby. I know that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and this is just the current state. This shit happens when you have a kid, and it gets better once the baby grows older, this much I know. My beef is that no one ever mentioned this to me, like ever…

So no one ever told me, and no one ever talks about the fact that marriages go through ebbs and flows. Every marriage/relationship has phases to it. I know that when it comes down to it, through thick and thin, I love my husband, but at this stage in my marriage, there are multiple times a day to be totally honest that I hate him!

Something that I have noticed is that as women we only bitch to our friends about our spouses, or tell them about how wonderful they are. Why? We should be more honest with each other if we are going to open up, then open up, and don’t always call your friends to bitch and vent. That will give them the wrong impression of your spouse. If you have a friend who does this maybe you should try to lead the conversation and ask if there is truly anything good in that person’s marriage. If your friend truly cannot say anything good, then there might be an underlying issue there…

Me, on the other hand, my husband just drives me bonkers. If for example I ask him to get me a glass of milk, this is what happens:

Me: Can I have a glass of milk please, my hands are full, I just got baby to sleep?

Hubby: urrgh, I just got comfortable, couldn’t you have asked me before? ok, ok, give me a second.

Me: (in my head I say the following) you effing jerk, I bathed and fed your children while you have been lying down on the couch for the last hour, and I just need one small glass of milk to drink before it gets too late and I drink it at 12am so that my bladder will be full and I will have to wake up in the middle of the night to pee, but sure you need a few minutes go ahead and take it.

Hubby: (probably a half hour later) gets up and asks, What did you want? He walks to the kitchen, “What kind of glass?” he opens the fridge and asks “What kind of milk?” “Where is the milk?”

It is just ridiculous! It is a barrage of questions just for one simple request, and that is mostly because I have said to him repeatedly that I despise unnecessary questions, so he does it to irk me.

My problem is that I cannot find a way to irk him, he is the type who lets almost nothing bother him. He could literally be sleeping in a pile of dirty poopy diapers for weeks on end and he wouldn’t be bothered.  Yes, I have tried it…don’t judge.

My whole point of this post is that in a healthy relationship, as I have learned not just from my own experiences but from actually speaking to my friends and family honestly and openly is that no relationship is perfect. Every “Good” marriage, will have ebbs and flows, hills and valleys, and the marriages with longevity all are ones that have couples that still argue, albeit less, but they don’t just say eff this and get a divorce.

Growing up in the Indian culture, and being a first generation Canadian like my husband is something that requires a bit of a balancing act.  I’ve learned that as a women according to our traditional cultural beliefs you really just have to sit back and let your husband do whatever he wants, while you just throw your hands up in the air and say something along the lines of “oh well boys will be boys” and laugh off any crap your hubby might do…(insert screwface here)

I’ve been told by numerous people, including other women that I shouldn’t be so opinionated. I call Bullshit! I say it for this reason. I feel that if your partner doesn’t push you to be the best version of yourself, then you are just in the wrong relationship.

I’ve seen many couples where both individuals are exactly the same person, and neither of them are very nice, mostly because they have no one in the relationship to give them a reality check. I’m grateful when my hubby will call me out and tell me I am spending too much on nonsense…I may not be in the moment it happens, but that is besides the point. I know he’s grateful that I have gotten him to see that binge drinking to the point where you are constantly shitfaced isn’t a weekly or even monthly event.

Look the point is that there are not enough examples of modern Indian couples for the younger generation to look at. By no means am I judging people who have chosen divorce, or anyone for that matter, I am speaking from my own experience and only getting a realistic view of marriage after endless nights of crying out of sheer frustration because I was under some delusional impression that planning the wedding or getting through the first year or marriage was going to be the toughest part. It isn’t!

Currently I think that stage after having children is the hardest part of a relationship. As a woman you are constantly sleep deprived and hangry, so you have the patience of an flea infested, fire-breathing dragon, and want to kill your significant other for a wide variety of reasons!

What do you think is the hardest point in a marriage? Why? Do tell!

 

 

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